The 12th verse of the 10th chapter of Paul's Second Letter to the church in Corinth says, 

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise

Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! (NLT)

We won't dare compare ourselves with those who think so much of themselves. But they are foolish to compare themselves with themselves.  (CEV)

              NOT WISE

I am not calling you stupid, i really can't do that, but he who has an ear let him hear let him hear what Paul is saying.
The internet, facebook, television create this false hierarchy of success and unfortunately at times I'm stupid enough to feel bad because on facebook my friend is pregnant and I'm single, I'm stupid enough at times to feel sad because I'm driving an '06 Corolla and Meredith Grey has a 2011 mini cooper. Sometimes I'm stupid enough to get online and window shop and end up sad and discontent because of a yardstick that is false and unrealistic.

So yeah this isn't about you, 
it's mii.I have my stupid moments. 
Times when I spend money 
I don't have on things
I don't need because of what people who 
I don't know have.
this isn't about you. 
It's mii.

I'm stupid

He wept

I could have saved more people
I could have gotten more of them out
This pin could have saved two lives
This car could have saved at least 10
If I had made more money, if I hadn’t wasted and squandered it early on in life  I could have saved more.

You have done a lot
1100 people are alive because of you

And yet He wept

I just finished watching Schindler’s List and so i open up my computer and with tears streaming down my face starts to type

Stripped of everything
He bankrupted himself to save them
He was a German of the Nazi party and yet he wept for the dead Jews he didn’t save

He wept bitterly because he had only saved 1100 lives
From the Polish ghettos he conscripted them to work in his factory.
Saved from the concentration camps of Auschwitz and the death trains headed into the unknown, he ransomed his wealth so that they might have a chance at life.
And yet he wept
He had made a difference in the lives of 1100 and yet he wept
He had given them dignity, saved them from the gas chambers and yet he wept
He had given them hope, traded his diamonds for their lives and yet he wept
He had given them a community, helping them avoid the death marches into the east and yet he wept

Who will weep

While the world was just finding out about the horrors of the labor and concentration camps
The ghettos of Warsaw, Bergen-Belsen and Auschwitz
Where to conserve ammunition they were lined up so that one bullet could kill five people
Promised freedom they were made to dig their own mass graves in the cold.
To conserve the poisonous gas they were stripped naked and forced to march around the chambers so that some would die of coldness.
The world knew not but Schindler wept
He wept for the lives that he couldn’t save because he lacked the means
He had made a difference
He had extended the lives of over 1100 people so that they could live for an extra 50 or so years ad yet he wept.
Everyday they die and I don’t weep.
We have the opportunity to touch lives for eternity, not just for 50 years and yet here we sit.
Lamenting our need to upgrade the electronic devices we have and change our hairstyles
Christ hung on a tree so that all men can live eternally
and yet we do nothing to tell them of his love and each day they are dying in the gas chambers of this world, suffocating on sin gasping for their last breathes unaware that life is just a prayer away

Who will weep

Who will weep for the children who are dying daily from drug abuse and neglect
Who will weep for the slow decay and genocide that pervades the mind of adult by Hollywood
The incineration of the mind that occurs by the media
The neglected souls that lay wasted and strewn on the floors of this land

Who will weep?
Will you weep?

Cuz each day genocide occurs right in front of your eyes
Lives are being incinerated by the devil’s machinery
Bullets of pride, disrespect and immorality penetrate the minds of our youth and yet we sit down and do

One bullet kills several; one ounce of cocaine is split and inhaled like gas into their lung chambers
One bullet kills several; one song about sex infects them like rabies till they go at it like rabbits
One bullet kills several; one video game in their hands gives them power to kill another in their mind
One bullet kills several.

Destroying their ability to think and function and yet I sit and do nothing
Frozen cold, desensitized by the media portrayal of violence they feel nothing at the death of another.
Video games at the age of 10 put them on trains destined to hell and I shed not one tear.
Daily they dig their own graves for promised fame, fortune and happiness

Who will weep?

And it doesn’t end with weeping
Nay the lament is the beginning, a precursor to the action and the lifesaving efforts that must take place
But Who will weep
He wept for the lives that he couldn’t save from Hitler’s demented order
who will weep for the lives dying daily from Satan’s demented order

I spend my money to finance his wars, the music I buy the movies I watch, the actors I patronize all work for him in the Secret Service of Hell and yet we weep not.
We are funding his secret war to destroy humanity.
And so we weep not.

Weep and then act.
Or pray that He reveals to you the dead and dying souls just so that you can learn to weep
Cuz after the weeping must come the action
Schlinder wept cuz he could only save 1100 lives from Hilter’s wrath
So weep and then save
Each day touch a soul
Each day extinguish the gas by praying for another
each day spread His love to inoculate those infected by sin’s disease
Each day weep

'Cuz Jesus wept
twice he wept in the bible
one for Lazarus, and the other time for those that dwell in the city
He looked at the city
The decadence, the decay, the fast paced lives that destroy relationships
and he wept
he wept for Jerusalem and all that lived there who were chasing a dream of houses built on sand.
I don’t know

But this movie struck a chord, cuz after 180 minutes of me watching Schindler help the Jews for over 5 years he wept cuz he believed he could have done more to save more lives.
I’m stunned
Seriously y’all
Okay I’ll stop talking and just go and pray that God lets me care enough about what break his heart and makes Him cry 'cuz yeah I really don’t care that much about those that die daily in sin, I don’t and yet I should

until we reach the point where what breaks His heart breaks ours
until then ...

i dunno

So I’ll go pray


This thought is just floating but isn't controlled by my brain's gravity and so it floats, at some point i will refine it and clean it up but here it is defying gravity until i can slow down and concentrate and not be afraid to think and write. Sometimes I fill my mind with junk, just so I don't have to deal with the thoughts that hurt, I call it defying gravity just because rational thoughts have a way of weighing you down. But yeah ....

I love you,
Before the foundations of the world, I knew who you would be.
Each brain cell,
Each blood vessel,
Each hair,
Each thought,
So can't you just for one second believe that your blessings are also customized to fit your unique spiritual size.
Can't you just try and imagine my child that your blessing cannot be the same as his because you are not him.
Can't you just pause for one second and try and accept the fact that your blessing is and will always be customized to fit your physical and spiritual DNA.
To give you what you want is to feed a plant salt, a chicken eggs and a cow beef.
So chill, be still, cuz I actually do know what you really need.

I need you

I need someone who can appreciate the beauty of silence peppered with  looks
Someone who allows me to cry while I watch dreams die
I need to be able to marinate my fears in a warm embrace until all 
that I feel is wholeness
Devoid of the physical touch thoughts cross the distance and 
fill the void with each whispered word.
I need you.

I need someone who understands my fears and laughs at my jokes
A person who drags mii to the master with his soft request for prayer
One whose humility causes mii to pause a bit before I curse
Someone who loves mii just as I am and prays each day that I grow 
closer to the One who alone can enact change
Mercy,I need you.

I miss the man that loves me. It has been exactly 5 months since I last touched him.
This is the longest we have ever be apart, we habitually did 3 months because of school, but 5 and counting ....
i'm sad
I miss my sunshine.