In short: Questioning

There are three things that today need to be mentioned,
nay, four that cause me to question.
Why do prideful men always end up as self-serving ministers intent on giving Christianity a bad name?
Why is more planning given to the wedding date and not the foundation of the marriage? 
Why does the American Dream more often than not end up being a curse?
Why does the process of settling in make one more unsettled?

KemiPsalm 1

Lord I am overwhelmed.
Fear erodes my mind, like a tsunami,
sweeping away all your promises,
leaving shattered hopes behind. 
Blind, i grope around in darkness, 
So please shine your light and show a path.
Reveal Your will to mii.
Provide a way out of this mess that causes distress.
Please Father have pity on my soul,
and make mii whole.
Bless mii or kill mii 
Bless me or release mii from this torment
because I don't know how much more I can take.
Peace eludes my grasp and so Insomnia 
gives an embrace that chills the night's air.
Here I am Lord on my knees before You.
Perfect that which concerns mii.
Lord do not put me to shame
Let those around me not belive you have forsaken me
Please Lord come to my rescue and deliver mii
Here I will sit giving praise to Your name 
because you have called mii
You have chosen mii
and in time you will bless mii.
As I wait give mii peace to rest in your promises
Lord let my waiting not be in vain.

Thank God I'm NOT Fat [Sabbath Series 22]

Thank God I'm NOT Fat.
What if God allowed you to be placed on contraceptive that messed up your hormones and you gained weight?
Thank God I'm NOT Broke.
What if God allowed all your savings to be schemed off in a Ponzi scheme?
Thank God I'm NOT Jobless.
What if God allowed your company to be bought out by the government and you subsequently laid off?
Thank God I'm NOT Homeless.
What if God allowed your home to burn down and the insurance and mortgage company screwed you over?
Thank God I'm NOT Single.
What if God decided that your spouse had fulfilled his mission on earth and dying was the next step?
Thank God I'm not SICK
What if God allowed your cells to turn against you and you contract a rare disease?
Thank God I'm NOT living in a war torn country
What if God allowed the military to stage a bloody Coup in your country?
Thank God I'm NOT a sex slave
What if God allowed you to be raped repeatedly by the UN officers charged with keeping the peace?
Thank God I'm NOT ____
What if God allowed ____ to happen?

What then?

I woke up with pain in my jaw, took my painkillers, and right before I jumped into the shower I thanked God I wasn't fat and then the otherside of me said WHAT IF and i spent the next 30 minutes in the shower being taught a lesson by God.
I'm late for church
So let me wrap this up.

We spend I spend a lot of brain time trying to feel better by telling myself that there is someone out there in a worse condition. The problem with this line of self medication is that there is always someone in a better condition.

We should be joyful just because He loves us, not because we are better off than another person.
I realize that 65% of the my depressed thoughts come because I believe those around me are more blessed.
He is trying to get us to realize that regardless of the situation of those around us, this is personal and about our relationship with Him, NOT in reference to another persons' relationship

I'm not saying this right,
Let me try again
There are two lessons in this Not-Fat-Shower-Story
1. Regardless of your situation you should thank God
2. Stop comparing, it only brings grief, because there will always be someone you believe is better off than you.
okay 3
You need to get to a point where it is 100% personal. Your relationship to Christ shouldn't be in judged on the fervency or passivity of another Christian

Now I'm officially late
Have a blessed day

forgive the typos
my CSO is honking

Using you

He loves mii.
The real mii.
He did not choose me to use mii.
He chose mii not because I could increase his social standing or money bags.
He didn't choose me for my abilities in the kitchen or bedroom.
He LOVES mii.

On another note.

God loves you.
God did not choose you to use you
He chose you not because you could increase the number of people in His church or the size of it.
He didn't choose you for your abilities in the kitchen or the church boardroom.
He LOVES you.

Meditate on this.
Because if the only connection you have with God is the work you do for Him
There is a problem.
God is like a husband, he didn’t marry you because of the food you can cook, or the bed you can make.
He married you because he wants a relationship with You. Not one primarily based on your service but one steeped in your desire to listen to His will and surrender your life to Him.

Service is easy
Surrender is ...

please pray for me oooo
i'm in soo much pain right now. It's been 8 days since i removed my wisdom teeth and now i have been told by my dentist that i have a complication called dry socket. Which is basically hell on earth in your mouth. I have a friend's wedding this weekend so I need a major physical breakthrough as soon as possible. So please pray for me.

Wisdom in my Teeth

Excruciating pain courses through my veins
it can't be explained and yet I'm told to quantify it.
I'm told to affix a number on a scale of one to ten,
but when will this torture end?
How can it be quantified when I've forgotten the familiar;
the simple ability to chew has been replaced by torturous movements of my jaw.
So i sit and pop painkillers like peppermints
in an effort however feeble to stem the tide.
There is no end in sight and so i sit and bemoan my misery,
singing, talking, laughing are all memories of the past
oh will i ever use my jaw to speak words of life
instead of moan and groan each response.

How could the dentist do this to me,
oh wait, she isn't a dentist but a 
oral and maxillofacial surgeon.
Surgeon my foot, more like a
19th century confederate general
letting off cannon in my mouth.
What would she know about my jaw,
and the structure of the individual bones that are my teeth.
What insight can she possibly shed about impacted infected molars that cause pain.
She is evil, how could she pretend to care,
all is wanted was my money,
all she wanted to do was inflict this pain so she could see me squirm and cry.
Psychopathic lady masquerading as a doctor.


Right now I'm in alot of pain so i can't make this rhyme or be deep about this.
For the last 7 years on and off my wisdom teeth have given me problems, pain that always appears at the most inopportune time. In the last year it has gotten more severe and frequent so I made an appointment, rescheduled once (out of fear) and finally got them extracted yesterday.

Wierd but I sometimes treat God the way I rant and rave against my dentist. I sometimes convince myself when I'm in extreme pain that He is not all loving and is instead hell bent on causing me misery.
I forget about all of those countless hours that I prayed for relief and asked him to cleanse me. I conveniently suffer from selective amnesia to the point that I blame Him for my misery instead of thank Him (my dentist) for causing temporal pain (extracting my wisdom teeth) that will forever remove the eternal (7 years and counting permanent) one.

I forgot that the afflictions of this present time are temporal and are actually working for me a exceeding weight of glory that I can't see or imagine. Hmm Paul says it better in his second letter to the church in Corinth

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

So yeah even though right now I'm in pain I am thanking my dentist for this temporal pain that will put an end to my suffering. I am thanking my Lord and God for putting me in situations of pain that help purify and cleanse my character. For each situation of pain that brings peace and patience I thank God. For each situation of pain that removes another layer of pride that I possess I pause and say thank You God.
cuz most times 
i forget and whine

back to the vicodin

Sabbath Series: 21 - Sex and the Sabbath

This is an abbreviated version of an article I wrote earlier this week.
To read the article in its entirety visit

Once upon a time God said let there be light and during that same week He said let us make man in our image and they did, and he told the man and the woman be fruitful and multiply. The following day He decided to rest.

So Connection #1: Sex and the Sabbath were both created by God in the Garden of Eden.

Now let’s go a little bit further into why. Why did God create sex? Sex was created for a two-fold purpose the first is for procreation and the second for intimacy. Gen. 1:28 says “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it” that is the procreation angle.

Have you ever wondered why God made sex pleasurable and not boring? “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (24 – 25). Sex is an integral part of marriage, God in his wisdom created body parts that mesh and fit so well that two become one and this isn’t just physically this verse hints at an emotional intimacy, an emotional connection.

Why did God create the Sabbath?
Does God get tired? No. He does not. So why does Gen 2: 1 -3 says that he rested from his work. Could it be that God rested on the Sabbath as a template for man? Here’s how I envision it, the Trinity is chilling up in heaven by the sea of glass and God the Father says let’s make man in our image and then after 5 days of speaking things into existence He forms man with His hand and puts a bowtie on creation by spending the 7th day just chilling and bonding with man. Focusing on our relationship with Him, he does this all in an effort to foster intimacy between man and God. Check out Exodus 20: 8 – 12 and Isa. 58: 13 – 14, it’s about relationship pure and simple.

Connection #2: Sex and the Sabbath were created by God to enhance relationships.

Unfortunately for us, Eve ate the fruit, sin moved in and all that was pure became corrupted. Sex which was previously an expression of true love, used to enhance the relationship with a couple was distorted. Adultery, incest, masturbation, homosexuality are all distortions of this gift that predate our technological advances such as porn and are in scripture (Gen. 19:5, 36; Rom. 1: 26 – 27). The Sabbath a gift from God was forgotten and replaced to suit the needs of man. Its purpose watered down and diluted to the point that the Creator’s intention is obscured by the devil.

Connection #3: Both have been distorted and now are being used by the devil to destroy our earthly and heavenly relationships.

What blows my mind is that the church is now complicit in this deception. Our response to the devil’s misrepresentation is secrecy. In an attempt to appear pure and holy we lock sex in a box and feed our children cookie cutter answers.

We dress the Sabbath the same way; we throw out names like Constantine and dates like 324 A.D. without sharing with our friends and children the immense joy of just chilling with God for a full 24 hours. This gift from God we pound into their heads with a list of dos and don’ts, we legislate what can and can’t be done on the Sabbath instead of focusing on the relationship we are suppose to have with our Creator. Our friends don’t get it because we either wear it as a badge of privilege reserved for the elect, or a burden or a item on our checklist to ensure we reach heaven.

Connection #4: Misrepresented by church

Sex done right is about honesty and freedom. Not backseats of cars, or dimly lit motel rooms. It is definitely not about broken condoms or morning after pills. It isn’t about seductive perfume or suggestive clothing. It is about being naked and unashamed with your spouse.

Sabbath done right is about honesty and freedom. Not two hour church services with frowns on our faces or looking over our shoulders when we stop to buy gas. It isn’t defined by the clothes we choose to wear to elicit a response from fellow believers about our status or class; it isn’t about the fake smiles on our faces plastered to portray a peace we don’t truly feel. It is about being spiritually naked and unashamed in front of God who loves us beyond what you can imagine.

Connection #5: It’s about honesty and freedom.

Sex done right isn’t a one night stand. It needs foreplay that begins when you wash the dishes in the sink and take out the trash. It starts with flowers when she least expects it and grows with 2 a.m. discussions about your fears. It’s about commitment.

Enjoying the Sabbath isn’t a one day stand either, it doesn’t begin when the sun sets on Friday. That’s just the cherry on the cake. A good Sabbath starts on Sunday during your personal devotions and continues all through the week as you make a choice to surrender to His will.

Connection #6: It’s about commitment

So wake up, embrace God's true meaning for this day and also for sex because they were both created by God to draw us closer to each other and ultimately to Him.


Hot and steamy
Like an aphrodisiac scent
you make my heart beat faster
With just one word
I look at your lips,
lick mine, in anticipation of when yours will part
and fill the silence because my mind tries and fails to imagine the reality.
This fantasy is brief
I want vivid and explosively titillating.

I want to experience it all
Immerse my senses in what you have to offer
Spend each second of the next minute 
Getting closer
Heart to heart

To connect
Drawn in as one
without fear
we will fly and reach a climatic intimacy

Pulse racing
I catch my breath
You lean in
I look up


Finally you speak
I breathe
It's hot
so hot
The truth is hot because
An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips Prov 24:26

New and Emerging

This is a PSA.
New Christian music and books.
So many new books and music to check out.
I feel guilty that I only share a song or two here or there when in reality Christian Lit and music is blood in my spiritual veins. So this is short list that touches the heart. So feel free to check them out.

1. Chris Tomlin: "Expectation" He is the reason for this post, right now his new single "I Will Follow" off of his Expectation album that drops November 16 is wonderful. Chris takes a break from his usual praise and worship sub genre and rocks it out with this song. So please go to iTunes and get this song ASAP.

2. Revive: "Blink" This single has soo much groove that I just bop my head to the beat and sing out the words at the top of my lungs.

3. FFH is back and it is beyond words. 5 or so years ago they dropped out of circulation and moved to South Africa. During this time they had another kid and Jeremy (lead singer) was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. This album Wide Open Spaces is closer to heart than most. This is What it Feels Like, Undone, Stop the Bleeding just to name a few

How much farther must I go ‘til you to say that I’m broken?
How much heartache must I know for you to say, ‘Enough’s enough.
These are Jeremy's words but my thoughts.
Whew, I wish I had a job so i could pick it up today but alas I must wait.

4. Jeremy Camp:  "We Cry Out" Christian Soft Rock hasn't been the same since Jeremy hit the scene about a decade ago, his latest album, A worship project brings tears to my eyes

5. Israel Houghton:  "Love God Love People" I used to love Israel when he was hard core praise and worship but now he has this whole urban Christian thingy he is doing. I have the Power of One album but I only listen to 3 tracks regularly from it. So I'm  London Sessions album  "Love God Love People" that dropped yesterday and I'm hearing  "You won't let go of me, " on the You Hold My World track and now I'm sold. Welcome back Israel I missed you :). Now I'm listening to the track Hosanna and wow God is good.

6. Gaither Vocal Band: Greatly Blessed, Better Day. Southern Gospel at its best. I don't think I need to say more, you have all star vocals, with David Phelps tearing up the upper registers and Micheal English holding the center, throw in Bill and Mark and lil' boy Wes and it is almost angelic. I'm going to see them in concert in 30 days and yeah I can hardly wait.

7.Wess Morgan:  I Choose to Worship. Never heard of this guy until yesterday and now it's like hmmm, cool. Listen to him before you look at this picture and try and place the voice. You can't, it's beautiful, the blend. Ahh okay I'll stop with the music now.
This is a link to listen to the song via his website

8. Mary Beth Chapman:  "Choosing to See" When Steven Curtis Chapman lost his daughter we all gasped and wondered how God could allow such a tragedy to hit their family. When Steven brought out his album earlier this year I was blown away and realized that his pain put into words is a gift that has illuminated my path and now his wife Beth brings puts to words her struggle over the last two years. If you are in pain, know someone who is in pain check this book out ASAP

9. Max Lucado:  "Out Live Your Life" I love Max, i've read all his books and this new one has me thingy about how being a Christian has to be contagious to the point where we speak less and pray more and it just oozes off of us with love. I dunno if this is possible but Max is back and I'm adding this to my public library reads

10. Stormie Omartian: My manfriend got me a book by this lady for graduation and since May I have bought 3 of her books to gift to others and read 2. Seriously she is a must read. My current read is "Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in Tough Times". She also has a Praying series that you can check out, Power of a Praying WOman, Power of Praying for your Adult Children etc

okay I think i'm done for a while