Providence by why of T.A.

Last week was horrible, i started crying on Wednesday around 8pmish took a break around 11pm, resumed an hour later and then cried till 2:47 am Thursday morning. I woke up on Thursday with a pounding headache, and the tears started to fall again. I drank some water, cuz i figured i would need it, dragged myself out of bed and went through the day.
I wasn't crying, I will just allowing the tears to fall, and fall they did for the next five days and it was annoying at times but it wasn't a rational cry, a cry that you could point to a specific event or issue. Rational crys can be logically explained this one was just pain, layered and buried that started to stink and needed a way out.

Anywayz, in the middle of my emotional not-breakdown (cuz breakdown is too serious a word, more like minor slip) I had the opportunity to go to this amazing concert. So last wednesday i was looking for lyrics to a song by Todd Agnew and stumbled on his website found out that he was going to be in Houston on Saturday for a FREE concert, and so i went and yeah let's, just say that was the only place I was last week that I felt like I needed to be there. It was honest, small, refreshing and Todd is yeah my vision of a modern-day-David, i hear his songs and I think Psalm 73, ahhh that one is more like Psalm 39 and he started with a Psalm 88 which is a very very very very depressing Psalm  song and it was yeah, just beautifully sad.
okay let mii stop gushing and say something wise

okay okay okay i'm done

This is the truth: we waste our time trying to be perfect, trying to seem like we have it all together is anti-Christian. Seriously, Paul in his letter to the church in Corinth, says we have this message in earthen vessels so not as to obscure it with our worth and this past Saturday I was blessed because i got to see a man speak and sing from His heart about his walk with God. We do a disservice to God by donning our squeaky clean masks. The church was empty (about 30 people in a place that could fit 350) and yet we all were content to draw closer to God who loves us and wants us to not be the next Oprah or Obama but just who He created us to be.  The greatest tragedy would be to spend this whole life trying to be someone else.

I realized that I can't listen to the mindless babble of principles any more. If you can't tell mii how He brought you thru' something then I don't want to hear it, I don't even want to sit in a room and discucss it. Before i could sit and discuss with the best theologians and apologist, now i have lost my appetite for good discussion. Now it's just like "dude, i need peace, patience and wisdom if you are not peddling that shut up and leave mii alone" 
and i'm Christian so if i can't stand it why will the person who has never been exposed to Him listen to your exposition that lacks personal content.

Listening to him was fantastic, i was trying to imagine Cute Micheal W. Smith  (who i love) or Casting Crowns with the full band in that same church and it would have been a waste for me to have seen them perform on Saturday. I didn't need their squeaky cleanness this week i needed the Save me Lord i'm down in the Lowlands Charlie Peacock wail.
So yeah there is something that you are suppose to do that no one else can do it so please don't waste your time trying to fit in.

One more thing
The Pastor of the church ended the concert by saying "This week sucked" and then he prayed this beautiful prayer and i just wanted to sit there for two more hours and be surrounded by people who were real, hurting, open and hoping in God.

So yeah, if you are Christian, please find a way to be real to the people who know. It isn't the easiest thing on the planet esp. if you are a born breaded and buttered Christian
:( i fail @ it on a regular basis.

If you are not a Christian then please find a real one so that they can introduce you to this Amazing God who loves you.

so enjoy the playlist in the sidebar
youtube is another good source for his music and check out David in Psalm 39, 43, 73, 77 and 139
currently i'm in 39 but 40:1 is also to my liking


disgodkidd said...

i half agree with this kafo. i am all for the "be real" thing, and think many of us believers(esp in my ministry) wear a mask...we say things like "i am the kings kid and i can never be broke" ...and a few mins later we are asking the dude next door for transport fare...moments like that just make me want to shake the breath out of someone....yet at the same time, i also believe that we have not been called to showcase our frailty, but his strength...u know, like scripture says let the weak say i am strong? so sometimes, i think that we should be like God who calls forth those things that be not as though they were, or Abraham who called himself father of many nations when he didnt hav a single when the pastor said "this week sucked"...something inside of me kicked against that statement...esp coming from a pastor. reason why i like td jakes is because of the personal content he brings into his i think its a tricky trail and we need just the right real but be also be a son of quick thots....

Kafo said...

i here you but that is the fallacy
the only way to show his Strength is to show your weakness

saying this week sucked and i really needed to be here tonight and then proceeding to pray a prayer is more genuine then not saying your week sucked and saying i am speaking a blessing upon your house so everyone goes on thinking the pastor had a perfect week.

the beauty of this walk should be that in our pain we recognize our weakness and struggle but then say it is well with my soul
when you don't recognize it or hide it then of course it is well with your soul, you don't appear to need my prayers so the charade continues

Jaycee said...

Kafo...I love you.

disgodkidd said...

@kafo, hmm, perhaps your right, but then close observations of certain aspects of the bible leave room for other when Jesus was telling his disciples about Lazarus dying...he said, Lazarus sleepeth...a few words down, scripture says he had to say "Lazarus is dead" for the sake of his disciples...i read that and i think of paul talking to the Corinthians and saying " And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. "

so perhaps there is a language for the spiritually mature, a language which seems to consider not the circumstance...perhaps we just have to grow in faith and in the spirit to be able to understand such "wisdom"

pastor chris always says and teaches us to say "i am a citizen of zion, and the inhabitants of zion shall not say i am sick". becos of this, a lot of us members and even staff tend to go under the radar every time we catch the flu or a bug...we dont want anyone to know...why? cos its childish to be sick....maybe, maybe not...

i believe in divine health and that it is possible to not be sick ever, yet i recognize that many of us do fall sick...but maybe after-all, faith is not a denial of the fact, but denying the fact the ability to determine your response or the circumstance of your existence...

well,for me, i listen to pastor chris teach me to aspire to the ideals of Christianity, then i listen to td jakes teach me to deal with the realities of my existence...i dont disagree with i said...a healthy balance...

at the moment, i dont even have enough cash for my next meal, but by God, i will not suffer or beg for bread...i dont have a certain document to qualify for a new job, but i serve a God who can make me the exception to the rule...

i still think its a trick trail...

disgodkidd said...

when you say "the only way to show his Strength is to show your weakness", i think it gives us the license to be weak...when God has called us to a life of virtue and glory, to shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light...i think that is what the glorious church is about...a church who doesnt know enough to be sick, broke, scared, or defeated...but one who basks in the glory of the risen Christ

Tisha said...

i love this kafo
love you too.

i recognize that i am a new creation, i also recognize that i am only strong and all that 'in Christ'

The Life of a Stranger called me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Kafo it's about time you call me,, and lets talk.. TALK kafo holla.. send me an email on, lets get to the root of the matter sugar :)

I am ever so slightly worried about you, and I pray that this phase ends SOON!! so that kafo can move on to the next stage.. enough of the valley experiences.. speak soon dear ciao ciao.

Kafo said...

@ The Life of a Stranger called me: okay i think i am about to email you right now forgive my delinquency

@ Tisha and Jaycee: :) thank you

@ disgodkidd: i really don't think we are going to agree, it seems we are on two different galaxies so i'm just going to smile at you :)