Lyrically Live: 4 If You Wanted ...

Todd and I go way back.

In 2003,  i had an 18 inch drop and the knowledge of Christianity became a heart thing.
That same year Todd dropped his first album
This was back in the days when dreams were seperated from reality only by time
and prayers i believed fell like rain drops on fertile ground always resulting in a spring full of flowers
Songs like Grace Like Rain, Isaiah 6 and My Jesus were landmarks marking the fervency of my devotion.

7 years later, battered by reality, it seems like we are still in sync
Wierd, but it doesn't matter what I'm thinking, there is a Todd song that captures my thoughts.


If You Wanted Me
I'll admit I'm glad we're not disciples
Out on a lake paralyzed with fright
'Cause I'm afraid I might have laughed at Peter
Until he stepped into that stormy night

If You wanted me to walk on water

Why'd You make this solid ground seem so right?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not King David

Ruling over everything I see
'Cause I think I've fallen for more than Bathsheba
Your creation's a temptation for me

If You wanted me to love You only

Why'd you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not John the Baptist

In a jail cell waiting for my day to die
'Cause at least down here I know what we're chasing
And it's hard to trust Your dreams are so much better than mine

If You wanted me to die to myself

Why'd You make me fall so deeply in love with life?

If You wanted me to surrender

Why'd You make these hands able to hold on so tight?

If You wanted me to be like You

Why'd You make me like me?


LISTEN

Spoken Word: Nameless???

Hold me close, hold me close
Hope stay and don’t go away.
Please stay and don’t go away.


But it slips and it slides and I lose my fragile grip.
Shaken to the core by Reality sudden entrance, I trip
so Dreams fall and lay shattered on the kitchen floor.
In haste, I try to reclaim and piece together the shards
it’s so hard but driven by Fear, Anxiety mounts
and each attempt to regain that which is lost causes pain.

It cuts to the core; a lost dream last attempt to be remembered makes marks on my palms
as blood flows freely not to my heart but from it at least that’s consolation.
A mark has been made, let me feel
Let me be

So I persist, shut out the pain and reach for the biggest piece convinced
that if I can grasp it I can retrieve it’s beauty and
if I can retrieve it then surely I can remake it
and possess that which eludes me and so I strive as I cry but nothing seems to change
except the excruciating pain which remains. My hands now bloodstained remind me of His and
then it hits me, it slips beneath  my consciousness and settles deep, His bloodstained hands whisper peace be still.

Listen below



video

...
This has no name because i wasn't thinking about it, i was supposedly trying to figure out how to refactor my C# code and use the Singleton design pattern

 but yeah mysterious way so please if you have a name for this nameless piece have pity and share



sometimes i chase and strive and try so hard to find peace and then it hits mii
so yeah, this is a shout out to everyone who like mii is driven by fear, reality and anxiety and then proceeds to alienate others and try and create, fix or put together peace via shards and fails.


Three thoughts @ 7:34am

I'm usually not mentally awake at this time in the morning.
Might be physically going thru' the motions but mentally i'm normally asleep
but today my brain woke up awake 
anywayz

1.
The definition of insanity by some is
doing the same thing and expecting a different result.So
if you prayed and God didn't answer and you are still praying
does that make you insane?

2.
Saw this quote and just had to share it
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning,
Satan shudders and says...

Oh no.... he's awake!!"

3.
The best thing you can do is trust a Known God with your unknown future.
Now if you don't know God then i guess trusting Him would be impossible, and peace you will never find cuz the future will always be unknown.

 enjoy the rest of your day

I + AP = C

Has it ever hit you?
One day you are reading a verse that you have read a million times (okay more like 100 times) and God blindsides you with this deep message that seemed to elude your consciousness all of these years.

So check this story out.
Cast: The children of Isreal, Aaron, Moses, God's finger, God's back
Location: Foot of Mount Sinai
Props: Jewelry, tablets of stone, golden calf etc

You know the story and so do I, Exodus chapter 32 but pay close attention to the opening verse

When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him."(NIV)

Did you get it
Okay try again with the Message Translation (i'll give you one hint)
When the people realized that Moses was taking forever in coming down off the mountain, they rallied around Aaron and said, "Do something. Make gods for us who will lead us. That Moses, the man who got us out of Egypt—who knows what's happened to him?"

Do you think you have it, okay last hint this time in the King James Version
Now when the people saw that Moses delayed coming down from the mountain, the people gathered together to Aaron, and said to him, “Come, make us gods that shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.”


We've always focused on the golden calf and the 10 Commandments, but verse 1 sets the whole stage

i don't want to spoil it for you but it's almost midnight so I'll just write it
I + AP = C :Impatience + Amnesiac Perception = Compromise

1. Moses was taking forever: They were impatient
2. The man who brought us: Amnesiac Perceptions They forgot who really brought them out of Egypt.

Fast forward a couple thousand years

He immigrated to the US, tried to get a job in his field but no one wanted to accept his credentials. The friend who helped him get a visitors visa is nowhere to be found. So what does he do? He falsifies documents in order to get a position he isn't qualified for.


Her biological clock is ticking (tick tick tock) and there is no one at the door knocking asking to take her to dinner. Her match making friends are too busy with their kids and so when he shows up at 2 a.m. she lets him in.
I + AP = C :Impatience + Amnesiac Perception = Compromise

We might not build physical golden calf, we might never do something noticeable by man, but when the clock is ticking and it seems like those who helped us in the past are nowhere to be found, we sell that which is precious to us, our dignity, our integrity, our virtue, in an attempt to fill the void.

One thought leads to another and then Impatience takes over ushering in Frustration who is elated and proceeds to build a wall thus obscuring our view and preventing us to see our True Helper.


Enough said.
I + AP = C :Impatience + Amnesiac Perception = Compromise