KafoTouch Angel

Today is Wednesday which means today i fast.
I wake up in the morning and pray and have devotion and then based on the last week choose the issue/person that will be the subjects of the fast and every hour on the half hour until i break the fast I pray on the issues/subject.

It seems simple enough, today is the day that i, you know, get an extra dose just so i can make it to the weekend.

Today is Wednesday and i cried (not a real cry but still the tears fell voluntarily)
So i woke at 8am because in my dream I was a Vietcong POW and saw seeing some pretty gruesome stuff.
Drag myself out of bed, pray, make my fast list and then head over to my aunt's place to tutor her in Math.
Get in the car, call a friend from undergrad who gives me her wonderful good news and I'm reminded on this day of fasting and praying that in 2004 I prayed and he didn't answer. Of course thoughts like this one don't visit alone and so the futility or dreamlike unreality of the consummation of my beautiful relationship with CSO comes into focus.
but.... math rescues.
whew
Get to my aunt's place and do math. Math is a sweet pot. Tutoring math is cool and so it took my mind off of unanswered prayes and then she asks me to fill out this paperwork for her sister and BAM. Answered Prayer number 2 gets SHOVED in my face. Another prayer met with silence. FIVE FREAKING YEARS of praying this prayer. :(
Leave her place around noon, make it to my mechanic who tells me I have to drop 600 bucks.
Now it's 2pm, and I'm standing outside John's place (my mechanic) and the tears come, because everyday I have prayed for my car and now I need to drop 600 dollars a month before school is out. I touch my car and pray for its parts. I've prayed  and somehow He didn't see it fit to answer this prayer.
Seriously
Out of the three unanswered prayers that I got shoved down my throat today this one just stung the most cuz it's current.
don't get me wrong. I know God blesses and answers prayers and He even eclipses some of my afflictions with His glory so that I'm oblivious to their existence. The fact that the car lasted this long is a testimony but is too much for Him to see it thru to the end?

Is it really too much for me to ask that the prayers I do voice he answers? I don't expect Him to answer all of them but seriously, my car ????
Is that really too much for this child to ask?

So yeah
kick my CSO off the phone cuz he is talking Psalms 39 and I'm like dude I'm at 42 about to migrate to 88 so 39 isn't helping cuz the last verse in 39 i'm still trying to deal with it

get into my car
bring out KafoTouch hit shuffle
I'm first greeted by  David Crowder Band's How He Loves while the tears of frustration stream down my face and then Shekinah Glory's Praise is What I do reminds me that my wisdom tooth needs to be dealt with (no dental insurance) because try as I might i can't sing the song without pain coursing thru' my veins.

Make it to campus, sit in front of a waterfall, break my fast and pray. 
Pray*.
As i sit i'm reminded that even on days when He doesn't answer ANY of the PRAYERS that i ACTUALLY PRAY when I FAST, He still loves mii and prayer is my drug of choice.

laterz



* i actually meant whine to God like David did in the first 10 verses of  Psalm 77.

7 comments:

Jaycee said...

"Prayer is my drug of choice...

That phrase caught my eye. Many times we pray, but because of our human tendencies it's hard to see what exactly God is seeing about our lives. But I still pray...it's also my drug of choice.

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

A pastor of mine once said that God always answered prayers and he does so in a number of ways....he may say no, he may say yes, he may say yes but wait or he might answer us exceedingly, abundantly, and above what we can ever imagine...

I would suggest that you listen more after you pray...God might have already answered you but you may have not been still enough to hear him....no matter what have FAITH. I pray that God would put an end to all long standing issues in your life!

Prayer is also my drug of choice...you can never pray too much...take care!

Myne Whitman said...

Aww, Blessing has said what I wanted to say. Your answers may be on the way, have a blessed Easter weekend.

Good Naija Girl said...

I'm inspired by you...to keep praying even when you can't see the answers you're seeking is huge. Continue to have faith and cling to Him.

I'm sorry for the challenges you've been faced with.

I don't have your faith...pray for me.

Fabulo-la said...

Prayer is my drug of choice....
From what well are you drawing your faith from?

Cause mine seems to have run dry.

disgodkidd said...

lol..the honesty of this post made me smile...

may i share this link with you? there are a couple of videos on prayer @ http://videos.rhapsodyofrealities.org/pastor-chris-teaching/

Remi, United Kingdom said...

Prayer is definately my drug of choice too... where else wil I find answers to the questions that keep running a marathon in my head?
Speaking to Baba through prayer is the only way... all day long... :-)

Much Love x