Cleaning out my closet part 1

i'm writing this for mii, it really isn't a well written piece of anything
just ramblings that need to be put out in public
so i can get my act together

i was going to go to bed
i had so much stuff to do today and i finally accomplished it all around 11pm and i was feeling good and then i came to my blog to listen to music and realized OOPS U HAVE ISSUES

i will eventually get my act together and words will flow like honey
but this is the sandpaper process necessary for the smooth finish

it's been too long

oh my word
i didn't mean to be gone so long
it has been 3 months since i have written from my heart.
yes i must admit that i did post in may but now that i go back and read them they lack mii.
the last thing came from the depths of mii was on April 23rd

not writing isn't really a problem in the grand scheme of things
i mean i still spend 10+ hours typing junk for school so......
but what really gets mii is that it speaks to the greater issue
mii not speaking
mii not speaking truth
mii not speaking the unspoken

i haven't prayed in like forever
i pray, u know the small 5 minute checklist of thank you God for this and help my sister with that
but i haven't just chilled in his presence and had a prayer session where i wasn't looking at my watch

i tried on Wednesday and it was unbelievably hard i think after minute 10 i was back to square one
now don't get mii wrong every day like clock work i wake up and spend at least 30 minutes in the word reading and learning and being challenged
but my prayer life just sucks

i used to pray with Sunshine and then one day i kicked him off my phone cuz i felt like he was pressuring mii to pray, that was like 2 weeks ago or so

i am not going to church in the morning
which is in like 8 hours
my reason
the emptiness

some people skip church cuz they feel like crap and are too lazy
but church is 7 minutes down the street and i can always find a naija outfit to put on that doesn't requiring ironing and my hair, please another story
so yeah

i am skipping church because it serves as a veil to cover up my tumultuous relationship with God

i know that if i go to church i will smile, people will draft mii to do something
and once again i will be pulled into the busyness of Christianity
which normally is a welcomed diversion but now
it is just empty
i love the business of church
i love trying to find innovative ways to get the message across
wait i have to go to church
cuz next week i have to put together the service and all i have is the speaker
i need to find people to do praise and worship
okay i will wake up, pray FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES
and take it from there
i don't have to make it to the church service i just have to be there before they close so i can grab people to do what i need them to do next week. weird, my ability to switch it off and back on at will , not wierd more like disturbingly scary in a hellish kinda way

so yeah
stripped of all the makeup

The complexity of Christianity is its simplicity

I want to say more
I want to expound on these seven words
but the clock is ticking and once again I am reminded
that the more I talk and the less I act
obscurity becomes my activity
and my reality further cloaks his divinity in
a veil of mediocrity

i guess i just wrote something
okay let's not get our hopes up it is just a couple of lines

so i think i will go to bed now
wake up, pray, come back here and dish some other stuff out
i just need it out of mii and being that i am queen of evasive phone conversations ...
i could talk to everyone on my phone list and still not say anything
mercy i am good at one sided conversations
not sure if that is a good thing tho. hmmmm

so yeah
this is part 1 of cleaning out my closet
part 2 will come in a couple of hours

happy sabbath