Cleaning out my closest PART 2

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I love control.
Not the traditional control but the emotional one.
I know for a fact that there are few things in this life i can control and so i master the ability to control my response and the amount of heart interaction I have.

I love to cry.
There is something about being able to give yourself a headache that just makes mii happy. There is something about waking up the next morning and realizing that your head is pounding because you didn't stop crying, there is something about the puffy eyes that just sets things back in order. It is weird.


I hate plans.
Plans take away freedom and the loss of freedom is the loss of control. Somehow in my beautiful brain i have managed to convince myself that if no one knows my plans then i don't have to stick to them. So i am free to change my mind.


I hate sharing.
Whenever i have bared my soul to someone i feel like i have surrendered a part of mii and that i am no longer in control, whenever i tell someone something i didn't originally plan to tell them, i get boiling mad with myself and also with them because they mad mii deviate from the original plan. I like sharing but on my own terms, not theirs.

I hate advice.
There is something about you telling mii what i already know that just makes mii want to scream, it does, it really does, now if you knew something that i didn't already know and you wanted to share it with mii, cool but if you are just going to tell mii something that i already know save your saliva, especially when i am crying or mercy if i just shared something with u that i wasn't planning to, your crimes just got magnified.


So yeah as i said initially
it all comes back to control
not the conventional way of control but the mental crazy way
there is something about being dependent on people that has changed the way this gets played out, so instead of mii getting ticked off about dealing with annoying disrespectful kids, adults that expect you to clean the ground the walk on, or people taking your belongings and wearing it or spending hours on the phone dealing with their credit issues no that stuff is easy




so yeah
today
i am ticked off cuz i spent an hour telling this person stuff i didn't want to tell her.
okay maybe it was more like 30 minutes but still
auughhhhhh