Lyrically Live: 3 Dear God

sometimes you find your thoughts on someone else's lips and hear the beauty of the mind.

It feels so good to make it this far
And i didn't think i could take it so long
There were days i wanted to quit
I said surely this is it
But i held on

If 5 years ago I was shown my life today
I would have jumped off a cliff, no doubt.
I never wonder how I made it thru
It's all about trusting U.

I realized some didn't make it
I could've been one of the ones who lost my way
And there was times Lord i know i almost went crazy
But i'm still here with my life

The cost of my experiences to this date
should have rendered mii insane
the stability of my mind is a gift
anchored in my belief in U such matchless grace

It may not be all that i hope for
And every dream has not yet been realized
But to see your face one day
God I know its all gonna be worth it
Thank u for every mountain every valley
God every thing u brought me thru

I didn't realize what it meant to carry my cross.
Denying to self strips my soul bare,
But i'm beginning to let go and accept it all
This rollercoaster ride of faith flings situations
That still boggle my mind,
but knowing that this all prepares mii to spend eternity
is reason enough to thank You for the storms
regardless of the earthly outcome

Okay so i went home last weekend and God for some reason after 4 months of fasting and praying decided not to answer my prayer. I mean it was my birthday weekend so I was expecting Him to be extra merciful on this pitiful child of his. :(
No, there was nothing I could do, it was God 100 percent and He left mii hanging and it hurt, it still does on some visceral level but I'm learning to abandon my dream of fulfillment on this planet, really i think that is what hurts the most, my dream of how this is all suppose to end. For some reason God thinks I can handle this, i would respectfully disagree and say that i'm two seconds from calling it quits and checking out but sanity still sleeps in my bed so I must conclude that God is right that I can handle this. I don't know.

I don't know if my philosophy is the right one, or if my theological deliberations have screwed up my mind but this earth no longer holds appeal and so as I daily die to self i'm letting go and no longer expecting an earthly miracle, I know He can and if he does cool and if he doesn't it's still cool (i guess). i still will pray and believe but not expect.

i don't know if that makes sense
but yeah
i'll let you know how long this viewpoint lasts and its advantages and disadvantages in the future.

thank you all for wishing mii a blessed birthday
after finals this week i will break out my list of how to induce a quarter life crisis.
have a peaceful week


disgodkidd said...

thank u K. i will email you real soon. pray for me meanwhile.

Good Naija Girl said...

I'm sorry that you didn't get he answer you were hoping for. My hope for you is that you will look back on these four months in the future and realize that God's decision was the best one.

This is tough: I know what you mean about praying but not having expectations because I have done that, but do you think it's possible to believe and have faith yet not expect? Is there still a point to praying if you don't expect what you're praying for to come to pass?

(Please note this is as much a message to you as it is to me. I pray for a spouse, yet deep down I don't know if I believe there is one out there for me.)

We have to have faith!

Adaeze said...

I am sorry.
Everything happens for a reason.
Remember, the most important thing is to believe in YOURSELF, fully and whole heartedly. SO very difficult...but we keep on trying. GNG has a great point. If you deep down in your heart don't believe in yourself, is that true faith?

Remi, United Kingdom said...

Hmmm, I don't know what you might be going through or what you are waiting on God for, however from your post, I sense it is someone close to your heart. I would however, like to encourage you to not loose your expectation, hold onto it, for it is part of the foundation of your faith in God; the hope you have in God. "You cannot pray and believe in God, without expecting Him to do that which you are asking, hoping and waiting for him to do".

I encouarage you with:
Psalm 37:4 which tells us to - "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart".
Whatever we ask of God, even the fulfilment of our dreams and desires (as long as he placed that dream witin us) He will grant it to us, He will bring it to pass - the key is in His own time.

Psalm 37:5 also tells us to "5Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass".

To rely and be confident in God, means that we trust and hope totally in his character - His goodness; we trust in His word. We trust that He will grant us the desires of our heart (according to his will), in his time. so when we trust and hope in Him, daily, we have to embrace a spirit of expectaion, that what we have asked for is on its way. And then we pray for understanding and alignment of his timings, whilst we work and walk with him towards its manifestation -- all in expectation.

Psalm 37:7 (a) encourages us to "Be still and rest in the Lord;"

So even in our expectatant state, we must wait for Him and be patient, as he will bring it to pass in his own time"

I really encourage you to be expectant about that which you seek and hope from God. We have all be given a dream by God, and as long as it is God that has given that dream, he will bring it to pass, because the dream he has given each and every one of us to fulfil on this earth, is bigger than us. The unfulfulment of a dream might mean the unfulfilment of many others. So please hold on to that dream that God has given you.

Life is not an easy journey. Personally, I have a million and one things I am believing and hoping on God for. The other day, I looked at my various prayer lists and could not tick off even one, however, I realised that he had done more for me than my prayer list.

I am alive and well, family are alive and well, and frankly I could be living in the middle of a war zone or something even more terrible. I Just have to watch the news.

So dear, I plead, please, hold on to your expectation in God... "Expect to experience (have manifested) that what you desire and know you are trusting in God (hoping in him) to have. To have no expectations, means to have no hope. And if you are praying to God without expectation, that means you are praying with no hope that he will manifest that which you desire"?. Expectation and hope is the very vehcile that delivers the manifestation of that which we pray to and belive in God for.

I pray God guides you and re-kindles your spirit of expectation in Jesus name... It is well... Much love xx

poeticallytinted said...

You know what Freud said, "wherever I go a poet has been there before me". What better out pouring of emotion could there be than music.

StandTall-The Activist said...

What can I say. hang in there and I know He's there to catch you and make you land on your feet.

StandTall-The Activist said...

Dont give up no matter what. You wil lbe mould into the strongest of all.... It's not easy but doable my lady

Debbie said...

He may not come when we want it but he's on time. I know you already know he is a good and faithful father that is why you have decided to continue to pray and even though you say it, there is still an expectation and regardless of whether you believe or not, God will not be limited by that he will come true for you at the appointed time. Remember he will not suffer the righteous to be move, i've learned that in the area God is testing us the most is the area he'll most use for his glory.
Your season will come

Jaycee said...

Hey darling,

Many times I wonder how exactly David encouraged himself in God when everyone and everything turned against him, but he sure did. This time, you too have to encourage the midst of crazy happenings and disappointments...encourage yourself, because God lives!!!

Hey darling, did u notice I put the song by Casting Crowns on my bloggie?

Lots of love and hugs from me, I'm cheerleading you on...:)

Jaycee said...

Just realized I said "hey darling"

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Dearest when we go through trials its never the easiest of time. And if I were to start writing about my life's experiences and that of people around me, we could be reading this post for a while yet. Some experiences take 10years, some 15years, some longer and we too have seen the rxample of Abraham, but one thing that I am HERE to tell you, a time will come when YOU will see it all as worth it. I remember the days everyone I knew would encourage me to tell me it will happen, and I just thought, mhmm like how many times have I heard this. I know God is able, but for some reason, it's not going to happen to me.

They believed and held onto the promises of God on my life, even after I had gotten tired and was just about to give up.

BUT I am here to tell you, that when your time comes (not like He has forgotten you, but God has his sequence of events) - all the impossible situations will all become a thing of the past.

A tunnel always has an entry and an exit, but hold on. It will all seem like a dream. God cannot forget you. HE JUST cannot. He cares and loves you way too much.... hold on.. there are fireworks going on around you.. IT is well.

I so UNDERSTAND where you are right now, but you know something I realised was that I just never knew how close my breakthrough was. And He kept reminding me, as close as my head it to the pillow. And that is exactly what YOU need to hold on to.

Have an awsome week dearest.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

God is faithful. Remember that. Your breakthrough is CLOSER than you think. When you let God, you will realise why He took you through a different route, for you my dear, you are too important, and your life has to be EXTRA refined. You will only glow brighter and brighter. You'll see. I am just excited just thinking about what God is about to do in your life.. What He plans is considrably better than you can ever imagine.. and He has placed a desire in your heart for a reason.

kafo Dearie.... Are you ready for this.......

Daydah said...

sweetie....hold on....your time will come, and you will look back at all life has thrown at you and smile cos the whole world will celebrate your triumph...
You go through EVERYTHING you go through for a reason - for someone else to be able to say 'if kafo could stand in all she has been through. who am I to grumble?'

Kafo said...

@ Daydah: hmmmm the jury is still out on that one ooooo said...

Hi there,

Belated birthday wishes to you!!

Continue to seek the Lord!!

God hears you.

Remember...the Teacher does not talk to the student during the test! The Teacher gives the lessons BEFORE the test.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

Rita said...

How are you?