Last week, i was driving to my primary location when Coco Brother had this second song playing and of course I flip thru my gospel and CCM stations so i missed the first half. Today while looking for "How Great is Our God" i found this song "Let It Rain" and they are on the same CD. First time I heard this song it was by mii boy Micheal W. Smith on his worship album but this is a different feel to the song. Who would have known that these two songs that i have fallen in love with would be living together on the same CD.
I'm the person who listens to all Christian music available regardless of genre so the fusion of a contemp Praise and Worship song done by a gospel choir is just to my taste.
Now I want to know what else Bishop Morton has on this CD so i am going hunting. Keep in mind that this is the same guy who gave mii Jesus Jesus Jesus "the Katrina Song."
Pray for mii oooo i have this thing on Thursday that requires a miracle
because we are hindering the flow of the gospel, and this isn't an indictment on
the corporate church entity but on its members including myself who sit around
and do nothing. So hopeful by speaking these words into existence we can find
a way to heal from within.
He is Humility
and I hate to say this bluntly
But it is a big shame;
‘cuz we define ourselves by His name
the state of our leaders needs to be disclaimed.
He came to die, stripped to the waist
He knelt and washed our feet
and yet each time we meet it’s all about the elite
He chose to use earthen vessels but
we try and adorn ourselves to the point
where his light which shined so freely in cracked clay pots
is forced to compete with our decked out egos
and lingos. Like Pharaoh we parade in our limos
paint our faces, trying to outdo the other fellow
we are our own greatest foes
without and within
this is not just about the color of your skin
the size of your church
the money in your purse
the name on your purse
it reaches beneath the surface
we try and mask and adorn ourselves
covering our flaws to draw applause
Acquired Situational Narcissism
that’s the shrink lingo for this disease
that infects and spreads with ease
past denominational boundaries,
it breeds like herpes in our churches’ bodies.
Lord, have mercy
It pervades the ranks of our leaders.
Let me call it by its name once more
Acquired Situational Narcissism
it alters, no it deranges the man to a psychiatric state of mind
where he forgets who he is and
chooses to reject his humble status
as a servant a sinner saved by grace.
He is Humility
you are pride
the two cannot coexist
the longer you persist with this hierarchical list
you go against the very foundation
the pope cannot think he represents the One who came to die
as long as he is fawned over and praised like a deity
and dressed in finery.
Where is his meekness?
Where is his humility?
God came down, dressed in human flesh,
which was striped from his bones
for the remission of our sins
We tack on titles to elevate these servants
who allow the situation to redefine their identity
our pastors have become lil’ popes the antithesis of our Creator.
driving around in their Bentleys with bodyguards and private yachts
they have forgotten that they have been called to serve with the basin and the towel
if the moment you become Christian you start to think you are better than others
you start to postulate and use words like justification just to show your sanctification
humility is a word we do not know
or care to show and that is why our
words have been so shallow
We do not see it
we don’t realize that we trivialize his mission by
dressing up and acting like we are little perfect wax models.
If we did and treated pride like a sin
it would be harder to hate the prostitute
gossip about the drunk
be jealous of another brother
lobby for the death penalty
and the list goes on.
Reacquaint yourself with your unrighteousness
bask in your weaknesses
knowing that His power is perfect in it
speak truth in love
cower not in front of those who claim
to proclaim but do not live out His name
you answer to God, not to man,
title or not, they have no power to redeem you
not the pope or your pastor
celebrate his mercy
go to Calvary each day to remind yourself
cuz just as darkness flees in the presence of light,
your pride will cease when you remember His sacrifice
ouch this stings
I am determined to listen to my professor today cuz it's the last day of class
yayyyyyyyyyy! Okay so no editing until later
so here is the scenario (technically i am suppose to be paying attention to Dr. Deng but once again he is speaking a language (partial derivatives) foreign to mii so an update seemed like the most time effective thing to do)
Okay so here's the story
I have to give it to you in parable form
This is a story about a couple of people living in Vegas. In Vegas there are numerous ways to get rich but only one truly legal and righteous way to do it. Many people have come and gone and over the years have used illegal, wrong and unrighteous ways to succeed and they have. There are four people who have chosen to get rich the legal way and haven't cut any corners for the last ten years they have fasted, prayed, worked and done all they could do within the bounds legality.
There is one lottery that they can play which is legal and every year they have applied and prayed that they would get it. This past year a friend who lives in Brazil asked one of them to apply for the lottery for one of their friend's sister even tho' this person has not gone thru the struggle for the last 10 years and like a good Christian, she did.
She applied for this person in Brazil (the sibling of a friend of a friend) and suprisingly this year the friend of a friend's sibling won the lottery, while the four friends who have done everything right over the last 10 FREAKING YEARS were once again left hanging
that's the story
so yeah i found myself having to praise God for blessing another person with something that I have been on my knees begging for for the last 10 years and if one MORE person decides that this is the time to tell mii the obvious God is good, in his time he will do it I WILL SCREAM
now if one of my partners in MISERY (PIM) as i like to call them got this large sum of money i would have no problem rejoicing cuz we have all cried together and kept the law together and prayed and fasted together but to have this award of money come to my house but addressed to some other person who is in Brazil and who hasn't gone thru this struggle is something i did not even consider, it is one thing for u not to win the money it is another thing for a person in your house who has broken every single law possible to win.
so yeah it was a new kind of pain disguised in praise and honestly i didn't think it could hurt this much, but then again i have never considered that this would happen, that God would bring the carrot soo close only to leave mii hungry once again :( i really try and wonder what i did wrong in my last life as a elephant did i step on all the cockroaches or did i eat all the bananas cuz this just blows.
end of story
on a side note, i have to vent against all the friend, siblings (2 out of 3) and PARENTS (both of them) who have tried to console mii
i don't need people to preach to mii
when i share i am just stating a fact
KAFO IS MISEARBLE
normally i don't share becuz they all think they can fix it and their attempts piss mii off
normally when junk like this happens like when i had to turn down a 14 thousand dollar scholarship and 15 thousand dollars stipend for myself. i worked it out, cried, prayed, listen to music and got thru it, i always do, the two sides of my brain go back and forth and after about 17 rounds the good side wins, of course some of those rounds are lost hence the tears but at the end good always triumph.
disappointment and i are very well acquainted so why do these people who are NOT IN THE SITUATION try so hard to give mii comfort. :(
(now if u are a PIM then you can talk and i will listen cuz we are in this junk together but if not...)
i don't want these people to bumble thru' and try and come up with words cuz NOTHING they can say can make it better
i just want them to accept that fact and go and pray to their Father in Heaven to have mercy on mii
why is this soo hard for people to understand,
why do they proceed to tell mii the obvious
seriously it pisses mii off it's like telling a person who is outside on a beautiful day that the sun is shining. DUH of course the sun is shining i don't need you to tell mii it is, cuz seriously u insult my intelligence when u do. so yeah can my family please skip the whole God is good, he has a plan, and this is how he blessed mii in 1986 cuz it isn't helping, i don't need to be preached to, i don't need to be reminder of his goodness i am well acquainted with his blessings and promises and timetable i just need to cry for like 39 hours, give myself a headache and move on.
this might seem conceited but it seems like people think for some reason that talking and giving advice helps but for mii it is like i am telling you this so u will know that's it i am not looking for advice or medicine there is NOTHING u can say to make it better so please don't try. i know it all, i do, all the things God did in your life, i know, all the promises in the bible i know, i do. so stop reiterate to them to mii in a sympathetic voice aughh.
i mean just because i am crying and in pain does NOT mean i took leave of my senses or suffered amnesia.
all u can do is pray and u don't pray to mii so get on your hands and knees and pray to God
so please LEAVE MII ALONE OOOOOOOOOOOO.
this has nothing to do with u, it is all about mii and my anger and frustration and if it really hurts u to shut up and keep your opinions to yourself eat ice cream.
i am sane, i just like crying my frustration out.
after rejoicing, dancing and praising God with the brazilians for two hours
they left the house to go to a wedding and
then i got to climb in my bed and cried for two hours
went to church for the evening program
came back home cried for a couple more hours
typed up the previous blog, i really like it now that i read it in retrospect
woke up (with a splitting headache) cried in the shower
went to prayer breakfast on sunday morning at church then got in my car drove to school
and cried as i drove it was so cool cuz it was rainy really hard outside and i was crying inside
and cried for like 3 more hours
and then studied with my head ache that i gave myself
went to the gym listened to my stellar cheer mii up playlist (isreal, micheal card, marvin sapp, yolanda etc)
and then drank a lot of water cuz i think i had cried and sweated off all my water
and now things are semi back to normal.
God is good.
pray for mii
i really should pretend to listen to him try so hard to teach us about Constraint Force and legal acceleration but ........................
but tears still flow so here it is
Pain still fresh i thought it was defined,
all aspects covered in my mind but once again i am caught off guards by it's intensity
Pain anew, rings true and shatters all past illusions of its identity,
proving once more that as a follower of hope
i must endure the inevitable consequence of hope
Yes, hope has a consequence,
it's never talked about in parties
but instead tucked away in the dark recesses of the mind
shoved behind layers of prayers, pleas, bargains and dreams.
but it remains, hope creates expectations,
expectations unfulfilled results in disappointment,
unexpected disappointment ushers in pain.
a new pain a beautiful pain that stuns the hopeful into screams of silence
It hurts to mourn with those who mourn
but it hurts even more to rejoice when you want to mourn
it stings to praise and rejoice with those in celebration when your soul cries
when each day that goes by decreases your chances and .....
but you smile for them even tho' u don't know if u will ever see the sun on u
new level, new depth, for real i didn't know it would have such an enormous effect
so yeah, this pain called praise demands your all, it requires a certain level of selflessness that
reminds you of your selfishness and further convinces you of your weakness and utter dependence, it forces you to confront your desire for presents instead of presence and not so subtlety questions your faith.
this isn't want i want to say, but this is what came out so maybe in a week when the wounds aren't so fresh i can speak in a comprehensible manner, i don't like how it ended hmmmmmmm but yeah i need to focus on something a lil' less morbid before this week starts so yeah happy easter, i'm out.
I'm trying to figure this one out.
1. Not having a passion to return to nigeria
2. Not being able to speak the language
3. Not wanting a traditional yoruba engagement
4. Using an american name
5. Not having a nigerian accent anymore
6. Not having nigerian friends
7. Not gravitating towards the nigerians you see in your city
8. Not being able to dance to nigerian music
9. Not watching Nollywood movies
10. Keeping quiet when people diss your country
11. Not knowing about current affairs going on
12. The number of years you have spent outside the country
13. Not dating/marrying nigerians.
or is it a combination of them?
So yeah help mii figure this one out
I mean which one is worse, if a person was to be unnigerian what would be the worst thing that would qualify them for the award
do u sit
u walk into a room with clean sterile white walls
do u draw on it
u walk into a room and everyone is silent
do u talk
what is it about us that makes us conform to these unspoken norms
why do we try so hard to fit in and not upset the equilibrium.
Right now I'm on the web surfing and i see my girl new blog that she is launching soon and i am proud to know such an ingenious spirit, conflict in our relationship arise when we expect the other person to behave the way we do.
She is my sister in spirit, juggling Med. school and making purses on the side. Now none of these thoughts have a cohesive theme but I really need to stay awake in Dr. Deng's Animation and Simulation course i write this if it makes sense cool if not it's still cool
In His image you are uniquely made
so be true to the real you
You will never satisfy them
You will never become them
You will lose you in trying to fit in
so be true to the real you
Connect to your inner voice
take comfort in the silence
the moment you stop trying to please the world
and instead listen to His voice alone you become free
only one opinion matters, for real
so retire, pack up your boxes of conformity
clean out your closets of pretense
and embrace who you are
the terrifying reality of u will stun u
the mediocrity of your pursuit to impress them will embarrass u
the futility of the race will overwhelm u
and hopefully u will give it up
dang it i still have 19 more minutes to go,
i'll go blog hopping laterz