9 years 364 days

Words fail so tears fall
As my mind tries to capture it all
Dreams lay strewn across the floor
as I try once again to make sense of it all

One day, one step

No, I’m tired of waiting
I’m tired of explaining away the pain, that courses through my veins
I’m tired of avoiding questions that are so plain in a futile attempt to maintain this charade
I’m tired of the need to feign happiness at their success
but most of all I’m tired of being confined to this domain

One day, one step

I pause, and think and finally I remember
I remember the ignorance of my youth and foolhardy decisions and your guidance in spite of my actions
I remember Your voice guiding mii thru the night with a light that shined so bright, igniting this fire that makes mii write.
I write to lead, I write to inspire, I write to incite others to aspire and reach for this relationship that sometimes seems like walking the wire
but most of all I write to remember how you have led mii thru this
I remember Your provision when the coffers where empty and Your touch when I was lonely
the air I breathe in daily makes me recall how you held me firmly but mostly it reminds mii of your grace

One day, one step

Thank You Lord for this journey,
9 years 364 days and counting
thank you for the pain,
thank you for the tears that stain and help me maintain my focus
and attain for that peace that only you can sustain.
Lord you are Holy and good and even though my dreams lay shattered on this floor
I’m here, still standing, still waiting
and even tho’ some days it hurts mii to the core and I seem so unsure when others pass me by
I’m here, still standing, still waiting
still hoping, still dreaming
Hell no
I'm letting go. I’m living, teaching, breathing, acting, serving, asking, searching, praising, dancing, eating, crying, learning, writing, singing, preaching, trusting
knowing full well that in the end all that matters is where my steps lead
and each step brings me closer to the only goal that is worth reaching

One day, one step
until I am with You.

tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of mii being here in the US and as I sit on my bed and go thru my journals of the last nine years, as I think of the dreams that have been shelved and others that have been born, as I think of the hills, valleys and mountains crossed and those yet to come, i'm oddly content cuz somewhere and somehow it stopped being about my Ph.D and white picket fence and started being about this relationship with Him. I must admit that I have a constant stream of bad days where crying is the least of my flaws but i'm learning that it's one choice, one day, one step at a time.

the Atheist Mind update

Thank you all for your comments, i know that I have learned alot from all of you. I wish I could pronouce a final judgement and say which one is easier but I can't cuz I can only live in my mind and can't ever fully know exactly what another person feels. So thanks, cuz from your varied responses I was able to realize that there is no easy way.We all have a choice and decision to make and living with our decisions is never an easy thing. I know what I believe and I know that to some it might seem unfounded and foolish but we all choose what or who we want to believe in. It is a choice, and either way we all choose to believe something that can't be proven during our lives.

So yeah
thanks everyone
i'm too lazy to reply one by one

Sabbath Series:15 - the Atheist Mind

I'm sitting in church yesterday surrounded by other fellow believers and for a moment I paused and asked myself if this was real. Christians believe in Jesus and most people on this planet believe in the idea of God but atheist don't believe in it at all. We were talking about evangelism and I couldn't understand how you would reach a person who doesn't even believe in God or doesn't see that there is something missing.

Try as I might i can't seem to wrap my head around a godless world, maybe i have been sheltered too much or i am just narrow minded but the idea of being an atheist or coming to the conclusion that God does not exist is terrifying.

Now others might disagree with mii including C.S. Lewis who says
"Atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning..."

So yeah here's the question do you agree with mii or C.S. do you think it is easier to believe in God or do you think Atheism is the simple route?

Have at it

Woes of a Logical Person VIII:- Make It Last

1 session of steamy hot sex
nah, too much regret, the guilt won't fit in my hand luggage
and having no experience and increasing my chances of triplets by 99%
not a good idea
30 hugs
15 kisses
5 snuggle sessions
no that won’t work it lacks depth and won’t get mii thru Sunday
37 hugs
18 kisses
5 snuggle sessions
2 back seat encounters
1 tango
hmmm, not exactly kosher so that won’t work either
what if we downgrade the car encounters to 3 10-minute make out sessions
and increase the hugs and snuggle sessions
here we go
50 hugs
18 kisses
6 snuggle sessions
3 10-minute make out sessions and
1 tango
danger is lurking behind the 10 minute sessions which might escalate to DHing
which would leave us with 30 lb guilt bags each so ....
Okay I get it,
60 hugs
22 kisses
9 snuggle sessions
1 candle light dinner followed by
3 slow dances to our fave playlist
I’m too lazy to cook and too cold to go out for dinner

Final Attempt
65 hugs
24 kisses
12 snuggle sessions
3 slow dances to our fave playlist
1 2-hour trip down memory lane
Maybe so?

I dunno

stay awhile, lets drift awhile
to our unsung melody
make it last
hold mii a lil’ bit longer
touch mii a lil’ bit softer
make it last
‘cuz I need us to last

so yeah this is to everyone who has ever had to part in one of those how-in-the-world-did-we-think-it-would-work long distance relationships. I'm down to 20 hours and not sure how to make enough memories to tide mii over till May.

Did U Steal It

i'm on this i-refuse-to-post-anything-i'm-not-feeling trend
and then my non-naija friend sent this to mii and i cried

i did

so yeah

New Season

The glory of this latter house shall be greater than of the former,
saith the LORD of hosts:
and in this place will I give peace,
saith the LORD of hosts.
Haggai 2:9

I don't think there is much I can add to this so I won't
but please do this

  1. Take a couple of minutes to prayfully listen to the playlist
  2. Then say a prayer committing all your dreams of 2009 to Him
  3. Not resolutions but your dreams knowing that he who began a good work in you will complete it.