105 and counting

wow, it's been a month.
This hiatus wasn't planned, final projects and exams preoccupied my thoughts for the first too weeks and then I couldn't blog cuz i was coming home and i knew that if my CSO read my blog he would find out and then i lingered.

It all began when Jaycee sent mii a link to the whole I BELIEVE IN GOD thingy for December 1st i think it was and i went blank, i saw the comment, lingered and still haven't gotten around to putting my thoughts on paper.

Today my iGoogle page let's mii know that Verastically Livin' has posted my 105th unread blogpost and still I linger. Mercy, i'm lazy. Rethot's left a comment yesterday that made mii realize I'd been gone for a while, still I linger. This month was supposed to be the blogOUT month where i just lay it out on a regular basis cuz of the free time but for some reason each time i logged on i just couldn't put the words down.

Why do i linger
cuz my beautiful unspoken blog has become da spoken, i say what i speak not what i think.
so this is a return to my mind. now a couple of reasons or excuses come to mind but none hold water so i'll skip them all and just be real from here on out and if u know mii personally this might be the best time to unsubscribe so u don't hurt yourself mentally trying to understand it all.

I have 105 posts that y'all have posted in the last month that I will try and get to before i put down anything concrete. Okay maybe I shouldn't make that promise and instead say that tomorrow I will start reading them and yeah ..., we'll take it one day at a time.

I'm alive and well
Left the sunny land of Houston and came home about 2 weeks ago to Indy and have been hibernating every since.

Okay let mii go and start reading to see what y'all have been up to.


Sabbath Series: 14- Worship

Today i went to worship
I go to church every Sabbath
but today I went to worship and was blessed

so the question I ask is
do you go to church or
do you go to worship?
is there a difference??

Have at it...

Lyrically Live: 2 I'd Rather Have Jesus

What are you looking for?
What kept you up last night?
Today what did you spend your time chasing?
What did you pray for and cry for and whine for and wish for?

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

Today, I'd rather be a citizen and not have to worry
Today, I'd rather be a genius and not have to study
Today, I'd rather have money and not have to cry
Today, I'd rather have connections that money can't buy

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name.

Tears speak when my mouth gets weak and so here I sit listening to them
Tears reveal what I try to hide:- the fear that envelopes my mind
the shallowness of my heart, my wants, my dreams, my pride
Tears speak when my mouth gets weak and I try not to hide

Than to be a king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin’s dread sway,
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.

What words do your tears speak?
What causes you to weep?

Ode to Four Walls

right now
with all this
drama going
around mii all i
want is you. I don't
care if you come decked
out in finery or laden with
gifts. I want you, I have never
been able to have you all to myself
and right now you are all I can think
about I have never felt the warmth of
your sweet embrace, I have never known
what it feels like to be known by you and know
you intimately, to run my hands across the dips
and fall of your fine form, to stand before you, bare
as the day I was born, unashamed. Unabashed and not
bound by the rules that constrain my love for you. I don't
know what it is to fully surrender and become lost in you. I
want that. Right, now with all this noise and misplaced emotions
and transference and expectations, i just want to be with you, in you,
totally, just us, no noise no barriers, just you, naked to mii as I am to you.
I want to sleep, feel, eat drink, dance, smile, watch, smell, experience all of you.

You are Four Walls
and I want you for mii.

this only makes sense if you have spent the last 8 years of your adult life surrounded by people
this only makes sense if you have been forced by circumstance to compromise and live, and smell people.
this only makes sense if you crave space that belongs totally to you, and only one and not the uncle or aunt or sister or friend or .....

this only makes sense if yeah you have wanted Four Walls
so yeah i'm going to bed hoping right now, livid, but blessed cuz at least I can fake my affair with Four Walls when everyone is gone.
Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I will be so lucky to live for a couple of hours that dream.


I have never been to a poetry slam
I have never read my poetry in public
I have never competed in a poetry thingy
I have never seen spoken word performed live
I have never gotten a 10 talk less of 2 10s as a poet
I have never qualified for regionals in any competition
I have never been to anything remotely related to poetry

but today I did all the above

so yeah

Glory be to God

It was an experience and I have to add a witness. I really was not going to go at around 6 I still had and still HAVE a tone of work to do but then my friend who found out about it before I could think of a way to not tell her was going to show up just for mii and then I was like I will go but not say anything but the moment I got there I signed up before I lost the nerve. Oh and of course CSO pulled a reverse psychology thingy that I didn't notice.

I was surrounded by poets talking about Obama, politics, sex, drugs, the N word and politics, sex and Obama and politics and sex and I got up there and presented Dear Human.
So yeah regionals is in Corpus Christi and there is this Poetic Vision thingy next week I have been invited to so yeah keep mii in your prayers.

Woes of a Logical Person VII:- Understanding

I understand
Don't say that
I do, I understand.
I don't blame you.
Don't understand.

Don't concede.
Don't rationalize my anticipated defection or justify my fears
Don’t give mii a litany of practical reasons to butter up my excuses
Don’t postulate.
Don’t play the reflective card to deflect your emotions
Don’t sing the psychobabble refrain of noble restraint
Don’t do that.

Cuz every time you do
Every time you throw Reality
I bat Hesitation and move on to another base of Uncertainty.
We are one homerun away from Separation, can’t you see it.

Cuz with your Understanding come my Complacency
Which strips Aspirations of her drive and
gives Apathy the rights to compose a beautiful lullaby
of faux Contentment that serenades our love to sleep.

Lyrically Live: 1 Word of God Speak

I said nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
For over an hour I just
held the phone and listened
and for some odd reason it was
cool. I had nothing to say and I wasn't
concerned with forming a response or trying
to make an impression. I just listened. I think it
has to do with the fact that for the first time in a long
time the most important thing was hearing what He had to say.

I'm finding myself at a
loss for words and
the funny thing
is it's okay

when was the last time that you were speechlessly happy?
when was the last time that listening was the major objective?
when was the last time that your requests were not #1 priority?
when was the last time your prayer wasn't bound by human vocal chords?
when was the last time you lingered a bit longer in silence waiting for just one word?
when was it?

as October gives way to November
linger in silence
be still
shut up
and know
that He IS.

New series Lyrically Live or Lyrically Thinking are posts on Songs that Resonate and Word of God Speak performed originally by MercyMe is the first installment in it and it showcases songs I sing but rarely live.

oh and don't mind the color scheme i am just messing around nothing deep to it

Sabbath Series: 13 - I broke it

Last year, a friend gave mii a Rolex for my birthday. HOT. I am not one for finery and rarely wore the watch except on special occasions, on my sister's wedding day I put the watch on and decked out in my tradi looking all fly. I am not the greatest dancer in my family but let's just say i got a lil too jiggy with it and my watch fell and the glass broke. My brother-in-laws cousin works for Rolex and offered to take it to their store and have it fixed for free, I decided instead to have my tailor fix it and lets just say that there is a difference between plastic and glass

Am I sane?

Earlier this year at the beginning of the semester in January, I bought a 2008 Toyota Corolla. This car is a dream. Honestly. It is like driving on water, no sounds, no bumps, no shaking, just cruising every where. My 14 year old cousin doesn't understand the concept of boundaries and so he BORROWED my car and crashed it. Now being that I live for free in my uncles house I couldn't really crucify my cousin or sell him to buy a new car, so even tho' I had comprehensive insurance which offered to pay for all the repairs at the local Toyota dealership I decided to bypass them and instead paid my boyfriend, who is a nurse $4,000 to fix it and being that I love him sooo much I guess ths would be the wrong time to tell you that the only time my car is not screeching and screaming now is when it is parked.

Am I sane?

I just got this sweet HP laptop, here are the specs. It comes with a dual core Intel Centrion, 4 GHz processor with 6 GB of RAM and half a Terabyte of harddrive space with a dual layer DVD writer with lightscribe capabilities. Two days ago, water poured on it, and it went berserk. I was angry at myself and then I remembered that it was still under warranty so I didn't flip out too much. So I decided to take my laptop to my mechanic who charged mii 200 dollars to fix it instead of to the local HP laptop dealer which was free and now my laptop works but the screen is always a shade of grey and blue.

Am I sane?

You don't think I'm sane
but you do the same thing everyday.
Everytime your life, your soul,
which I choose to believe is more precious than gold
is hurt or damaged beyond your control
you choose to fix it and try to make yourself whole.
You talk to friends who sometimes console
and other times cajole you to dig a deeper hole.
All of this takes a toll on your damaged soul
and yet you persist to resist
the only One that can truly assist
who doesn't need a checklist
to identify what has been missed.
Your soul is under eternal warranty
so instead of doing something costly
instead of dealing with the worry
instead of being surly on this journey
because you had to pay a pretty penny
for that which has been given freely
approach the throne
approach the throne of the One
approach the throne of the One who created you
before the foundations of the world He knew you
and made a plan to send His son to redeem you
approach the throne of the One
for He alone can fix whatever ails you.
I do not have a 2008 Corrolla or a Rolex or a Intel Processor HP Laptop and I promise you that if you were to find it in your heart to give any of these items to mii I WILL NOT misuse them or fix them in an insane manner. :)

Every 3 seconds

Every three seconds...

Today they will starve and I will do nothing
They will starve in a world where food is thrown away and pets are fed 3 times a day

Today they will need shoes and I will be blue
They will need shoes in a world where I'm blue cuz I can't afford the latest Jimmy Choo's

Today they will cry and I will not see it
They will cry for help in a world blinded by Hollywood stars in pursuit of fake memoirs

Today they will suffer and I will not lift a finger
They will suffer in a world where giant pharmaceuticals create smaller Viagra capsules

Today they will need clean water and I will go for a swim
They will need clean water to drink in a world where beaches are cleaned and kept pristine

Today they will beg and I choose not to hear it
They will beg for deliverance in a world where we pay musical chefs to make us tone deaf

Today they will be helpless and I will be tired
They will be helpless in a world where we are all tired from working to pay off what we've acquired

Today they will cold and I will be bold
They will be cold in a world where we are so bold we create see thru dresses trimmed with gold

Today they will seek a solution and I will be busy, too busy
They will seek a solution in a world where enlarging our army is our number one priority

Today they will waste away and I will be concerned about my waist
They will waste away in a world where the size of our waist brings us disgrace and so we have it replaced

Today they will die and I will do nothing8888***8888****** ***8888
8888** *********88888888Today they will die because I did nothing
They will die in a world where I live888***888***888****** **88888
88888** *********888888888They will die in a world where you live
They will die in this world.
Our world.

this event was brought to my attention by

My Previous Posts on Poverty and Inaction

Yesterday, Today and maybe Tomorrow

i went to a concert yesterday
Donald Lawrence reminded mii that I have an inheritance
Hezekiah Walker told mii that God was Faithful
Marvin Sapp said I never would have made it without Christ

I was on a high
came home helped my cousin with homework
made today's lunch and took a shower,
crawled into bed

got up at 7
took another shower
picked up my phone, talked to my CSO
decided to drop my other cousin off at school before leaving myself

prayed for myself and my wonderful bourgie man (CSO)
kicked him off my phone
drove another 30 minutes
hit a kid

no, hit a kid's car
gave him my insurance info
called my uncle, CSO, sister, friend
got to campus

went to class
my uncle called, i picked up my phone and got grief from him
called the kid, told him not to call the insurance
he said he already had

went back to class
listened to nothing but everything
got out of class
stared at my computer for 4 hours trying not to cry and succeeded

went to my car
heard a funny sound
called my CSO and cried
he prayed, i didn't want to

railed at God for not protecting mii
railed at my CSO for not picking up his phone earlier
kicked him off my phone
tried to do my homework and study

called the kid and made arrangments
to give him 750 bucks which i don't have
cell phone died
started studying

came to my blog
heard my playlist "Praise is what I do"
felt like a wagon of horse manure
asked for forgiveness

one hour later
i remember
can't study and can't focus
tired of crying so i type.

now I have one more hour to fake study for my test
then I will get in my car, call CSO and apologize
drop off books at library
go home, listen to my uncle talk

make tomorrow's lunch
take a shower
crawl into bed
will i wake up?

Sabbath Series:12 - Slower Traffic to the Right

Have you ever be tempted to take what God promised to give you before His time?

Please I live this state,
I am constantly reminding God that my mental, biological, financial and spiritual clocks are ticking.

Why, is my life stuck in the slow lane when everyone else is speeding down the interstate.
This person is graduating,
that person is buying a house,
she is married,
he is now a father,
he proposed in Vegas
he has dental insurance,
she just got a new car.

It's mine, right?
What God has for me it is for mii.
So it's mine.
God already promised mii, you remember
He said I will prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies
I'm not making this up, He said that He will give mii perfect peace in the book of John.
The righteous are not supposed to be forsaken, right?
Thru the Prophet Jeremiah, he said that the plans He has for mii are good, to bring mii to an expected end.
What God has for me it is for mii, right?

So help God help you
He has already promised to bless you and enlarge your territory.
So taking it now, it's okay, it's yours.
I mean on earth we are bound by time but Heaven isn't and we are His children
So claim it,
Name it
and then go and get it.

God is taking too long
Come on
It's already yours.
A lil' compromise doesn't hurt.
Abramham cut a few corners and everything worked out for him.

Ever had these thoughts
I am queen of this castle.
For real. No one spends more time trying to figure out a way out of this to get what God has promised mii, I am His child. Everybody compromises, mercy I'm in Houston, you can either go the marriage or fake resume route, everybody does it, it is only a small white lie, right?????
I deserve His blessings

If you have EVER entertained these thoughts.
Check this out
1. click on the website below
2. Go down to the month of may
3. Click on the Icon right next to the May 3rd sermon "Slower Traffic to the Right"
4. It opens up in Windows Media Player fast forward to minute 50 and start there
5. listen to the first 10 minutes: start at minute 50 and go to like 1hr 05min and if you do not feel compelled to continue

come back and curse mii out.

have a blessed weekend.

My name is...: Part 3

SPOILER ALERT: This post contains answers to the previous posts. If you haven't read them yet, please do My name is...: Part 1 and My name is ...: Part 2 before you find out who they are (yeah right)
My name is Pain aka Suffering,
My brother's name is Presents aka Blessings,
I am in love with Praise aka Thanksgiving.

From Kafo:
I am soo determined to keep Pain and Praise seperate. You see I have this habit of depending more on Presents. Presents is hot, he is soo cute, and they make a good couple. I believe that Praise and Presents should get married and have babies. They have soo much more in common than Pain and Praise do.

Seriously, do you really think that Praise wants to be around Pain?
Have you ever seen them together?
Yeah, that is what I thought, once in a blue moon and
Doesn't it always look awkward when they are in the same room?


I believe that the only thing my Praise needs is Presents.
I will Praise when Presents is near.
I am soo concerned with God's Presents that
I miss His Presence which only becomes visible in my Pain.

i don't think i should say anything more.

My name is ...: Part 2

If i don't post this now
it is going to be on mind so yeah
same rules apply. In order to appreciate this you really need to read the previous post.
Think about the highlighter sections and what two things in your spiritual life... (i'm giving too much away)

Why is he starrring at mii?
Does he really expect mii to come over?
dressed in last season's fashion, he is a poor version of what a man should be
He doesn't really expect mii to sit by him does he?
Hell no
we cannot coexist
my laughter to his pensive mood
My sunshine to his rain
My dreams to his clouds
my beauty to his uummph to his ....
Now, I know that I might seem fickle to you but I am really not
Am I suppose to love a man I have nothing in common with
Am I suppose to try and work at this
His brother is fine, his brother and I have al ot in common
We attend the same church and like the same kind of food
watch the same kind of movies
We belong together
we are two peas in a pod
We are both believers headed toward heaven
My parents even think i should be with his brother
I mean it is soo natural that the whole world accepts our union
We fit
We mesh.
Why should i defy society and my family and my heart to be with him
Why should i try and struggle to make a go at it with him
It doesn't come naturally to mii
I really don't feel like singing when he is near
Dancing is definitely out of the question

My name is______________


Who is He?
Who is She?
and your thoughts

Have at it
and have a blessed week

My name is ...: Part 1

Okay here are the rules
who does this remind you of from your spiritual experience.
This isn't a person in the bible but I guess you can say an experience, gift, character trait something along those lines. So guess with mii and then maybe when you met the lady of his dreams you will have a better idea. Oh one more thing. should he get the girl of his dreams?

The moment I walk in she leaves
I come baring gifts designed
to enrich and enpower
but they all get rejected.
She misconstrues my actions
takes my good and make it all bad
i believe she is in love with my twin brother
I see the way she looks at him
see how her face lights up.

She checks herself in the mirror,
lipstick check
masscara check
perfume and powder check check
she does this all for him

She sings,
can you believe it?
when they are together
she is soo happy, sometimes she even dances.

why can't she reciprocate my feelings?
The moment I step in she dons the mourning garb
and pretends to be deaf in order to rebuff my advances
Doesn't she realize that we are supposed to be together
My brother and her make sense, they look good togethher
but a love like ours would go down in the annals of love
We complement each other,
can somebody help her see mii
The road less travelled, that would be our path.
Please help mii
I love her, she needs mii but prefers the glitter that he brings
The status, presents all blind her to my love

Everyone expects them to be together but I know better
I know that God created her to be with mii so that the world may see His beauty

My name is ____________.


I have a test tomorrow and this huge assignment to complete for later in the week and last week was a runaway train that just refused to follow instructions, so yeah this week has to be without the normal breaks, blogging, facebooking, and all that jazz so please pray for mii ooooooooooo.

I was having devotions on Friday morning and this next post dropped and it was hot, so yeah I'm just going to transcribe it and not beautify or poeticize it. It's untitled cuz it has a second part but you have to answer the question to appreciate the second part.

but yeah i'm rambling
oh one more thing
pots yes it is stop backward it was my mind versus my conscience, a duel in which i tried to justify cursing someone out and then i couldn't go to bed because my mind was churning so yeah i turned on my computer to get it out and on paper.


Honest Blogger Award

Hmmm don't know if I deserve this award, it was bestowed by Simeon, honesty is hard when eyes are watching and blogville is no different, but here are 7 fellow bloggers that may be a lil' more deserving that I.
  1. Jaycee

  2. Prettylyf

  3. Disgodkidd

  4. AfricanSunrise

  5. A Gold Mine

I am breaking the rules and only posting five
and I am modifying the rules so that future award winners do not feel the stress of bearing this beautiful gift (LOL)

here are the rules that come and go with the award;
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2. Choose a minimum of 5 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with an award
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).


Stop talking
I have something to say
Stop talking
I really think you want to hear what I have…
Stop talking
But this is really good. I mean…

Please stop
Hurling accusations without any caution
Concocting stories to give yourself glory
Degrading humanity with your profanity
Spewing slander across the counter
Elaborating gossip just to get some people to crack up
Selling lies and buying crimes with your lips

Okay can i go to bed now
Kafo I really need you to...
I got it
Do you understand the gravity of this sit...
Mercy! i rebooted my computer for this
i need to sleep, it is almost 3 in the morning

Sabbath Series: 11- Ike

I am a roaring wind,
With winds of up to 130 miles per hour
God is a safe place to hide,
ready to help when we need him.
I am anger suppressed
With pressure of 955mb
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in sea storm and earthquake,
Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains
I incite the ocean to anger
With tidal waves surges up to 25 feet
He quieted the wind down to a whisper,
Put a muzzle on all the big waves.
I am Goliath, larger than any other
I am 70% larger than any hurricane
For in the day of trouble
He will keep me safe in his dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock
I cover land and sea, I am almost everywhere

I have storm force winds that stretch for 510 miles
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
I am a master chef
I have created the perfect recipe for mayhem and destruction
My peace I give you, my peace I leave with you.
Let your heart not be troubled neither let it be afraid.
I have picked the perfect prey
You weak with faith as shallow as your waters
For we are glad, when we are weak, ye are strong;
You provide no way of escape,
people with deeper faith,
deeper water can absorb some of my rage

But your shallow depth is conducive to the misery I bring
you provide only one source of escape and that
is thru you into you inland toward homes and families
When the storm is over, there’s nothing left of the wicked;
Good people, firm on their rock foundation, aren’t even fazed.
I am coming for you

my name is Ike

and I am coming
He told the wind to be silent, the sea to quiet down:
“Silence!” The sea became smooth as glass

hey y'all

i am in the storm

not really scared cuz I know who I believe in

and as long as God is God

I'm aiiight

so yeah

pray for us in southwest Texas oooooooooooooooooooooooo

have a blessed sabbath


dang it they just took the lights................................

Sabbath Series: 10- Not before you're in it

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

How many times have you heard this song?
I’m at church today and this young man is leading worship and as the words appear on the screen, I finally understood this song that I have sung numerous times.
The strength does not come before you take the stand to wait for the Lord. The strength doesn’t come after the battle is over. Strength comes in the midst of the waiting period, during the battle.

Jochebed put her son on the Nile before he led the children of Israel to the promise land
The three young Hebrew men were in the blazing furnace before Jesus joined them
Elisha abandoned his father’s lucrative business before his bones raised the dead
Elijah climbed Mount Carmel before fire came down to consume the offering
Naaman swam in a spirogyra infested river before he was cured of leprosy
Ruth, a childless widow, left Moab before her great grandson became king
Esther’s head was almost chopped off before she thwarted Haman plan
The disciples cast their net before they brought a record number catch
The women touched the hem of Jesus’ garment before she was healed
John was thrown into a pan of hot oil before he converted hundreds
Noah made a fool of himself, building an ark before the Flood came
Moses went to Egypt before the children of Israel were delivered
Abraham had to leave home in order to claim the promised land
John was imprisoned on Patmos before he wrote Revelations
David answered the suicidal pledge before he killed Goliath
Jacob’s blessing came after the midnight wrestling match
Peter got out of the boat before he walked on water
Gideon reduced his army to 300 before they won
Mary went to the tomb before she saw the angel
Moses raised up his arms before the sea parted
Daniel stood firm before the lions went vegan
Joseph found his breakthrough in prison

and then sometimes help doesn't come
it may not always come when you are in it
because if it did it would defeat the purpose
Jesus went to Calvary and was crucified
Jesus went to Calvary and was crucified before He was ressurected
Jesus went to Calvary and was crucified before He was ressurected so that I may live eternally.

Yes we can oh we can

hi this is Kafo
and this is NOT A forward oooooooooooooooooooo
okay now that i have that out of the way
if you are dyslexic or lazy skim and then click on the link below

Someone once said that God can do immeasurably exceedingly abundantly more than we can ask our Imagine. Yeah, I know it sounds familiar, that guy was Paul and he was writing to the church in Ephesus. The part we miss out, the part that we forget comes a little bit later in the verse. He says according to His power that is at work within us. For most of us (myself included) 9 times out of 10 we expect God to perform a miracle that will shatter our minds will we just sit and wait. We forget that it is by His power working in us that the world is changed.

Okay I’m done preaching

Here’s the plug, The He’s Abel Project is in its final 72 hours. About a month ago Abel died and our donations ground to
a halt. Yes his life is over, but his family still has a 40 thousand dollar bill that needs to be paid. All funds donated will go to foot this bill so that the family can live with the wonderful memory of their son without monthly payments to a hospital. We are 3 thousand away from 10 grand and for some reason I would like to believe that this is chump change for a generation of God seekers and Christians called to show the world the mystery of His love.

20 bucks. If you haven’t yet donated, that’s it. Go online and donate 20 dollars so that we can reach this goal. We only need 150 people to do this and for some reason I choose to believe that there are 150 people who would gladly show the world and make a declaration that our God is Able.

If 20 is too much find someone to cover the other 10, cuz we both know if you needed 20 dollars to register for classes or fix your car, you would beg, borrow or steal from anybody and their grandmother (I AM NOT ADVOCATING STEALING )
If you have already donated pass this on to at least 2 people and call them to make sure they know this isn’t spam.


Sabbath Series: 9 - Mercy

Jealousy beats up Contentment
and Fear serves as an agent
of Anger who in turn decides
that the best course of action
is to humiliate and browbeat Kindness.
Malice is decked out with pom poms of expletives
while Resentment tries to relive
each painful memory. All nine lives of
Forgivness have been used up
so there she lays gasping for her final
breath as Patience walks away.
Today is gray and Love's execution
is schedule for noon as Revenge weighs
each action on a scale of Injustice
i'm looking for Goodness to right this wrong
but instead run into Cruelty who seems so strong
this of course terrifies Peace
who legs have been crippled
by the bullets in Deciet's piece.
Joy is shackled to his sit and
banned from taking a stand
to defend all that's Good and
so Evil reigns supreme.
It's a quarter to noon
I can hear Hell's depressing tune
sung by the Devil's goons.
I wish it were a dream
and not so extreme
but it's a big mess, the fortress
of Serenity has surrendered to Despair
who arrested Prayer, the last defense
for Love. Faith has been banished
and Doubt has returned.
It seems like all hope is lost
till Mercy says No.


Seeing you makes mii cry
Each time you return
I can no longer deny
the truth.
To disguise the pain,
to maintain
this masquerade
I evade and
then persuade
Reality to retreat,
down these lonely streets.
But hugs and goodbyes
prompt tears in my eyes
and i'm forced to realize
that which cannot be disguised
by my lies.
It remains true
I am human bound by time.
school started before i got off the plane yesterday, i made it to both of my classes on time and was blown out of the water by my lack of brain cells. I am already swamped. I have to learn how to use UNIX and program in it, in a week, keep in mind that the last time i wrote a computer program was in 2004. So yeah, pray for miii oooooooooooooooooo. I will make a concerted effort to NOT abandon this blog.

Summer Consumption: 5 - Sex is NOT the problem

I have about 6 more days before i have to go back to Houston, heat and school and i would be lying if I told you that i was ready and looking forward to it. There was this list of things to do and places to go and books to read and it seems like I am not even 25% into the list, for instance there are at least 10 books that I haven't even opened and i was really scared that i was going to end the summer without a 5 star book but VIOLA, here it is

I did not read I kissed dating Goodbye because i didn't date and still don't
I did not read Stop dating the Church because I am addicted to my church and can't church hop
I did not read Boy Meets Girl because I was angry at Joshua Harris for kissing dating goodbye
so yeah there is nothing up until now that recommends this guy or his books to me, it's like Joel Osteen something about him prevents mii from reading his books (do not gasp!)
I am not going to tell you about this book because there is soo much to say and I don't want to focus on one issue instead of another and make you think that this book is about A and not Q
so yeah

read this book if
  1. You are in a relationship and boundaries cause issues
  2. You want to know more about masturbation and the Bible stand
  3. You want to be sexually pure in every way
  4. You have a hard time forgiving yourself for last night
  5. You think the way you dress shouldn't affect him
  6. You don't plan to have sex before you get married
  7. You are over the age of 10 and have a pulse
  8. You are single, married or divorced.
  9. You like sex
  10. You love God

so yeah two thumbs wayyyy up
and 5 out of 5 stars

No book is perfect but there is a wealth of knowledge that will help to agressively pursue God's will knowing full well that you WILL screw up and that everything you can do really can't measure up to what is needed to redeem your soul.

I'm planning on starting a book club in my church in Houston just so that we can read this book. Right now I am flipping thru Lies Women Believe and Jesus for President

Sabbath Series: 8- Forgiveness

In church,
last Sabbath
this is my mind.

Are You serious?
She defines the word hypocrit
Talking about praying twenty four seven
If she were my chaplain
I'd call the hangman
or pray for a handgun
to end it so i wouldn't have to listen
I can't do this
This smile that she has
where was it

where was the smile
during the years of pain
that coursed thru our veins
where was the support
before the report
that exposed her cohort
where was the support
after the report
Calm down.
Why, they messed up bigtime
where was the remorse
where was the repentence
which would have come at no expense
we should have taken offense
when she built the fence to seperate
Do we look dense
to stomach this nonsense
Listening to her talk sweet words
She talks beauty
where was the humility

and diplomacy
when she sanctioned slander
three feet from the altar
okay maybe that is a slight exaggeration, Lord

it was like what
seven feet no more like twelve
just outside the sanctuary but still in the church
plans to besmirch
your ordained and chosen
and it is starting again
oh what a web we allow them to weave
this web of deciet and lies
by our complacency
Forgive, my child.
While they baptize and prophesize
we say our goodbyes
and let righteous die
instead of an outcry
we fold our hands and theorize
but this is not my fault

Did she really expect a hug to change it all
expect us to forget
talking on the radio
to boost the family ego
the dynamic duo
Bonnie and Clyde
hurling spitball accusations
dragging your church's name thru the mud
seeking blood
spreading hatred
ah yes, you
i really can't say anything about him
right? even tho' he gave this vulture wings to fly
i can't say anything about him
even tho' he perpetuates this decietful cycle
i can't say anything about him
even tho' he rewards the dishonest and unjust
i can't say anything about him
even tho' ...
i'll stop
because lashing him would offend You
because he is a chosen minister
is he?
Lord he was ordained to lead but what happens now
Cupid Conference
My child, vengence is mine.
do i look like i am five
thinking she can buy mii with a hug
or a smile
this is so vile
but then it is their style
the others they try and buy off with food
in an effort to set the right mood
subdued, they won't intrude
or is it gifts
they choose to use to mend this rift
give the church another facelift
and hope that we are dense
and will stomach this nonsense
She is DEAD
egba mii oooooooooooo
in the last ten minutes two of them have mentioned her
Am i the only person on this planet
that realizes that talking about a dead person in present tense is wack
they need to get over themselves
and stop lauding those who dead
which part of the dead know nothing in
Ecclesiastic don't they understand
no u just force doctrine down our throats and
expect us to live the truth that you preach
and teach
and forget this latest speech
because i really doubt that she fooled anyone
okay maybe a couple of clueless brethren
Forgive, my daughter.
stop, stop telling mii to forgive them
those that condemn and cause mayhem
and steal and missue Your money
i am suppose to forgive these people
and try and be peaceful
instead of using my spiritual pistol
why can't i just pistol whip them with Your word
this is so absurd!!!
let mii set this record
for no reward
with your sword
straight up
i could start with talents in Matthew 25
then remind them of Sapphira fate in Acts five
David wouldn't touch Your anointed in 1 Sam. twenty six
that should remind them of spiritual ethics
i could work my way to the abominations in Proverbs 6

and let them know this isn't the path to heaven
Ai and Achan in Joshua six and seven
should let them know nothing is hidden
from your sight
prayers that are trite
are dealt with in Isaiah one
Matthew chapter 3 would let them know
repentence is the only option
First John first chapter verse nine
would realign this decline and
set a deadline
to end this mess
they need to confess
Please, Lord
let mii speak, let mii shout
let mii lay these people out
forgive, 'cuz i've forgiven you



Have you wanted to do something that meant something on a day that is numerical unique?

For the last 13 weeks i have been part of a project to raise money for Abel Cruz a young man with cancer in Texas. Our time has been spent making flyers, business cards, organizing events, calling corporations just to raise money so that he can have a much needed bone marrow transplate.

On Tuesday Abel died.

$800 in 24 hours
today is 08.08.08
which if you add that all up is 24

so for some wierd reason i believe that we can raise this money
The funds are still needed to pay off his hospital debt. We can raise this money so that his family can look back and smile and thank God for the life he lived instead of working to pay off his medical bills

100 people donating 8 bucks makes a lifetime of difference.



please spread the word and let mii know how much you donated and how much you got your friends and family to donate.

We can do this.

Thank You

Summer Consumption: 4- The 10 Commandments of Dating

Okay this continues my whole I am trying to understand relationships and sexuality and all that jazz.

So yeah two smart guyz put together a book and here are the 10 Commandments according to them.

  1. Thou shalt get a life

  2. Thou shalt use your brain

  3. Thou shalt be equally yoked

  4. Thou shalt take it slow

  5. Thou shalt set clear boundaries

  6. Thou shalt save sex for later

  7. Thou shalt not play house

  8. Thou shalt fight fairly

  9. Thou shalt not ignore warning signs

  10. Thou shalt choose wisely

Now some of these are clear cut and what you would expect but there are a couple of suprises. Commandment Number 3 is not just about being unequally yoked spiritually but include other areas in which you might be yoked differently. I think I liked Commandment Number 2 the best, there was this acronym for the BRAIN

Balance the head and heart
Refrain from physical intimacy
Analyze your past relationships
Include others in the process
Never neglect opportunities to evaluate along the way

Not exactly two thumbs up, more like one and a quarter.
There is something that rubs mii wrong when people portray men as only wanting sex and women as only wanting commitment. Yeah, maybe I am just naive and need to believe that the primary goal of every man is not just to get into my pants, but yeah, my perogative, I think it was in the chapter on Not living together that they said Men only move in for free sex and i was like OKAY....... and yeah then there is the whole women acquiensce to sex just for intimacy as if we are not hot blooded humans ourselves.

So yeah good book with some antiquated assumptions but their suggestions are all valid and worthy of note. Oh, the book was written about 10 years ago so some of the references are out of date but i believe that their might be an updated version out there. All in all 3.9 stars out of 5


Army Wives.
Last summer, i was bored out of my mind and while i was flicking thru channels I came across this show, Army Wives, on Lifetime. Now let mii just preface this post by saying that I have a HUGE bias against Lifetime, it seems that everytime i end up on the station, some teenager is winding up pregnant, or her mom is getting the living daylights beat out of her by her boyfriend who she thought was dead but he came to life. Oh and let's not forget the drama of high school. So yeah, let's just say i stay away from the station.

So as i was saying i stumble across this show and fall in love with it and the drama of these women who have married military men. So this summer, season 2 is about to start but i couldn't really remember what happened during season 1, so i put the dvd on hold at the library and waited in anticipation so that i can relive last summer's drama before plunging into this summer's.

Last Wednesday after much waiting the library contacted mii that the Season one was waiting for mii and i jumped into the car and rushed over to get it.

I am spending the summer with my sister and her roommate and I told them both that they had to watch ONE episode.
41 minutes and if they did not fall in love with the show they didn't have listen to mii harp at them anymore about the show. On Thursday everybody was tired so i don't think we even put on the TV. Friday came and i reminded them to watch it but they didn't. Saturday night my sister fell asleep before I got back home but when her roommate got back I once again reiterated the point and told her to just watch the first couple of scenes and if she didn't like it she should stop.
She did and was hooked.

On Sunday, I literally dragged my sister to sit in front of the TV and watched the first two episodes with her and she was like her roommate was hooked.

Sunday night i had to go to bed early so I left them watching episdoe 5 thinking that they would watch one or two of them and then go to bed.

They were up until 8 am and watched the whole first season.
And now they are both going thru the second season.

So I should be glad, right?
I sold a product and they bought it?

They spent over 10 hours over the last 3 days watching a TV show that I recommended.

So i deserve a round of applause, right?
but for some reason i am not elated,

yeah i did pause for half a second to give myself a pat on the back but that was it

you see i can't remember the last time i promoted something spiritual to my sisters with that much enthusiam.
Something that would bring them closer to Christ and not just entertain them. Something that would change not only their faces but their hearts.


So yeah.

What are you promoting?

Summer Consumption: 3- 10 Prayers God Always Says Yes To

So my uncle (Pastor T) recommended this book because he heard my boy (Pastor Dwight K. Nelson) refer to it in one of his sermons. Now the instructions when I recieved the book were to read the last chapter, Chapter 10. Of course I have a hard time following instructions and so i spent a whole month trying to get thru the first two chapters. SLOW, boring, non inspiring.

Then finally a week before my uncle is about to board a plan to Naija and take his book with him I finally fast forward to the last chapter and I am blown away by the sheer genius of the book.

So here are the ten prayers
  1. I wish I could believe.
    God show me that You exist.

  2. Why should I get involved?
    God make mii an instrument

  3. What's in it for mii?
    God, outdo mii in generosity

  4. I Can't take it anymore.
    God, get mii thru this suffering

  5. Am I a terrible person?
    God, forgive mii

  6. This stress is killing mii.
    God give mii peace

  7. Ok, I admit it, I'm afraid.
    God, give mii courage

  8. Sometimes being smart just isn't enough.
    God give mii wisdom

  9. Will I ever be happy again?
    God bring good out of this bad situation

  10. Why am i here anyway!
    God lead me to my destiny

so yeah 4 out of 5 stars. It is a short book, an easy read with lots of scripture reference. The author is a bit redundant and the opening three chapters are slow, so maybe I should adjust my rating and change it to 3.5 stars out of 5.

The last two chapters are hot tho'

for real.

Woes of a Logical Person: VI- Fantasy vs. Reality

Dear Fantasy,

I love you because
Your arms embrace my dreams and
your fingers make from my noise a symphony.
Your feet dance to this tune and
your lips quiet my fears with lullabies.
When you are with mii,

I am in love.

Dear Reality,
I hate you because
Your hands sculpt statues of my worries and
your fingers weed out my dreams, one by one.
Your feet trample on my aspirations,
and your lips broadcast my uncertainties.
When you are with mii,

I am just a fool in love.

In case you forgot

I think it is wrong to read and not share what you've read.
I think it is wrong to learn and not share what you've learned
I think it is wrong to hear and not share what you've heard
I think it is wrong to think and not share your thoughts
Basically I think that keeping the knowledge we come across to ourselves is a crime.
So let mii share this with you so i won't be a felon.

You were never created to be somebody else so STOP TRYING

Stop wearing the clothes and singing the songs and
Pursuing your parent's career and dating Mr. Right and
Driving the latest car and saying the political correct things and
Fitting into the box created by clueless people who have no idea of your gifts

You do realize that you are unique
You do realize that He created you in
His Image for a purpose that no one else
on this planet can fulfill. You have been called
AND chosen. I really wish that I could do what He
called you to do but I can't so I won't even try, actually
I did but then I realized that it was a waste of my time trying
to be you. So yeah, be you, not mii because I was designed with a
single purpose in mind. So instead of trying to fit that stereotype that now
serves as an elaborate cage called ambition. Stop. Breathe. Be Still and rediscover
why He created you. I really wish that I could tell you but I can't because I HAVE NO CLUE

Summer Consumption: 2 The Whole Truth

Why waste time discovering the truth when you can so easily create it?
Baldacci is to Washington Conspiracy Theory novels as Grisham is to Law fiction. I skipped the last two books because I thought they were too predictable but this one defies expectations. Have you ever wondered about how truth is manipulated and sold to the public at large?
Yes David does go off on some crazy tagent but the implications of Perceptions Management companies and how they affect our lives will blow your mind.
so yeah, pick up this book if you love
Washington and all it's drama,
have a minor crush on Grisham,
are into journalism,
one man revolutions
and fear mongering

All in all i give the book 4 out of 5 stars

Summer Consumption: 1- REAL SEX

I would never EVER have picked up a box on sex this time last year or the year before that or the 22 years that preceded that one but earlier this month I felt the need to educate myself not on sex but on chasity because like any Christian in relationship I now have to set boundaries on what is kosher and what is not.

Let mii preface this by saying that there are some things that are on the DON'T DO list and SEX along with Drugs and Alcohol top that list but then there is a lot of gray area between holding hands and doing the deed, so yeah and being that talking about sex in church is a moot issue (they make it seem like it is the ANTICHRIST) i turn next to books for advice (yes i know i should ask my Pastor in private and all that jazz but then my pastor is my uncle so yeah let's just say that i will be on the next plain to Otun Ekiti where i will live out the rest of my years feeding the homeless)

So yeah, I wish I could say that this book is all that and that is answers all the questions but it doesn't.

This book
  1. Reiterates the point that sex should be between a married man and woman
  2. Dispells some myths that society and the church have about sex
  3. Educates the reader on how sex is a communal thing (i think this was the most original part of the book)
  4. Offers tips on how to remain pure: i think my fave. part was when she said if you can't do it in front of your father don't do it at all WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT (okay then she said that being that that is kinda Freudian and creepy you should use the Rotunda rule)
  5. Is real, of course being that this is my first relationship/sex/chastity book I am not yet an expert.
  6. Ties in pornography and masturbation and I must admit adequately informs the reader on how it is just part of the slippery slope

This book does not

  1. Draw the line on what is kosher and what is not (DANG)
  2. Preach on how Sex is the devil's younger brother's son
  3. Use Biblical text to develop her statements (but then there is nothing on porn in scripture)
  4. Try and convince you that you shouldn't have sex, it just states the fact as they exist.

All in all, I give this book 3 stars. Read it if you nothing else to do and if you are curious about community and sex, porn, masturbation and ROTUNDAS. The beginning is kinda boring tho'

Summer Consumption

This is a series that basically recommends, disses, tears aparts my summer reading, writing, listening and viewing list. Feel free to recommend other books/CDs/DVDs that you think fit into the same category (or that you think I will like), or even join mii in reading or listening or watching any of these items.

Have a blessed weekend

Let mii be mii

I'm home
after 19 weeks
I am finally home
but all i am getting is grief

can't you just be glad that i made it back to Indy in one piece and start lynching my fro

Okay i have to admit after a week in the hospital my hair isn't presentable
but then again so what
why can't you just be happy to see mii
why do you have to try and change mii

i really don't know how this is going to end
should i bend
or stand firm

asa si gbo (crazy person)
i really don't care
i would rather spend the money on my bills and not on my hair

so i guess here is the question

why can't y'all just let mii be
crazy hair
tattered slippers
well worn clothes

why do i have to dress up and look cute and presentable
is there a verse in the Bible that commands mii to look presentable and fit the form

so yeah
the battle begins

my nephew had a recital and basically all the fam (or at least the 8 other members that were present) decided to dress mii down from my crazy half dyed auburn hair to my cracked lips to my slippers

yes it was all in jest and it was said with love and ment to uplift and not degrade but still
i would really just want to be
just be
just be

be mii, it seems like i was able to dress the way i wanted to which is basically flowing skirts and tank tops when i was in Houston but i have been back in Indy for 3 days and each day is another KAFO how can you wear that and HOW long have you had that

and i really don't see the big deal
i don't

so yeah
if you do and you can explain it to mii without being a snob

please do


have a blessed weekend

Sabbath Series: 7 - Unfinished chapter

Sometimes it is best if you first read it all
This is the first day that i have had internet access since Monday, my sister was in the ICU (she got discharged earlier today, THANK GOD) so i changed my flight plans and instead of going to Indy came to Portland. So anywayz, i'm in her room on Tuesday morning after about 2 hours of sleep and I'm trying to find the strength to go on and be courageous and all that jazz, so yeah, i'm in her room and my Message bible opens to Lamentations 3 and i start to read...

I'm the man who has seen trouble,
trouble coming from the lash of God's anger.
He took me by the hand and walked me
into pitch-black darkness.
Yes, he's given me the back of his hand
over and over and over again.
He turned me into a scarecrow

of skin and bones, then broke the bones.
He hemmed me in, ganged up on me,
poured on the trouble and hard times.

He locked me up in deep darkness,
like a corpse nailed inside a coffin.
He shuts me in so I'll never get out,

manacles my hands, shackles my feet.
Even when I cry out and plead for help,
he locks up my prayers and throws away the key.
He sets up blockades with quarried limestone.
He's got me cornered.

He's a prowling bear tracking me down,
a lion in hiding ready to pounce.
He knocked me from the path and ripped me to pieces.
When he finished, there was nothing left of me.
He took out his bow and arrows
and used me for target practice.
He shot me in the stomach

with arrows from his quiver.

Everyone took me for a joke,
made me the butt of their mocking ballads.
He forced rotten, stinking food down my throat,
bloated me with vile drinks.
He ground my face into the gravel.

He pounded me into the mud.I gave up on life altogether.
I've forgotten what the good life is like.
I said to myself, "This is it. I'm finished.
God is a lost cause."

Then the door opens and OREGON (this would be the man that she loves that the rest of the family wish she wouldn't) walks in. I say hi and then try and go back to my reading...

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!

Wow. stop this is the verse. His mercies are new every morning, Great is thy faithfulness. Hmmm... after all the tears and pain God is faithful sweet.

and then i stopped and got distracted by OREGON snoring (technically he came to visit my sister but ending up sleeping in my chair. Nonsense) and then I started thinking of all the things I wanted tell him but didn't because my sister is engaged to him and all that jazz and then they said they were transfering her back to the regular ward and so i became occupied and forgot about Jeremiah.

About four hours later we are walking to his car and he says something that pisses mii off and i told him to basically agree to not address mii until we got to their apartment cuz i didn't really want to sit in the car and listen to his opinion on anything and next thing i know he is calling my sister (who still has tubes plugged into her) and talking about calling security on mii. (child couldn't handle his own buziness he had run to a sick women in the hospital whoseyingggggg)

yeah let's just say the next hour wasn't really my shining Christian moment.

For the next four days I didn't open the Bible and let's just say that iu spent my prayer time cursing him out to God, so yeah it was still a prayer but still.....
Last night i had a mini crisis of faith and of course CSO (cool significant other otherwise know as boyfriend by the gen. public) helped mii thru it

and then

Today before OREGON came to pick us up from the hospital I decided to finish the passage

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,

go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.....

Enter the silence, bow in prayer, don't ask questions?
Enter the silence, bow in prayer, don't ask questions?
Enter the silence, bow in prayer, don't ask questions.

now i am thinking if i finished the passage and even the chapter the past five days wouldn't have been as emotionally tasking as it was physically (took a shower once in the five days wore the same clothes and slept on a chair)


so yeah

Happy Sabbath and help mii to continue to pray that God gives my sister sense and strength cuz she sorely needs both
and that in the next 48 hours that i am here i do what Jesus would do.

Sabbath Series: 6: 525600 minutes

525600 minutes

I need to say more
I need to tell you about each minute
about the highs and the los

but i need to study
so yeah i'll chip in later

but yeah
I am officially five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes older


Sabbath Series: 5 ??Trinity??

The complexity of Your diety
overwhelms mii and so in
order to simplify and quantify
that whicn cannot be contained
or explained in a world bound
by time, I'll say this.

In the beginning You were there
when man was a concept,
time an idea and earth an
empty void shapeless entity.
You were ALL there.
You decided to make man
in an image, a likeness of all three.
So somehow my humanity mirrors
certain aspects of YOU.

We, being the fickle and
wannabe geniuses that we are
have tried to not only name Your essence,
Trinity, we have somehow, with our only 5% active brain,
managed to create schisms and define isms
in that which was meant to unify us.
Some use analogies of things created by you to describe you,
clover leafs, steam-water-ice, the lists go on
need i continue...

Words like redemption, santification,
justification seem inadequate to explain
the role that is played by YOU in my life,
So I'll skip the theologicial rhetoic and speak plainly.

YOU created mii.
I messed up.
Sooooooo my Father sends the
Son who agrees to come and save mii from myself and the
Spirit to guide mii on this path to becoming more like that
which was created by my Father, His Son and the Spirit.

End of story.

I can't seem to write what I am thinking
I have written alot okay maybe not a lot in the last month but it isn't what i am trying to say and so I am done trying to write what i want to say, i'll just write and hope that sometime soon i write what i want to say.