Praying isn't the same as requesting
So for the last four hours I've been trying to write something
Seriously I've been online since around 3 and yeah those two lines that's it.
November is hard to define
I'm trying to remember the whole month and find a way to put a bow on it and wrap it up and toss it in the vault but a myraid of emotions litter the ground. Rage, resentment, pain, peace, patience, disappointment, despair, happiness, hunger, hope, anger, anxiety and the list goes on.
I went for a walk today and yesterday and trying to see God in all this and talk about how far he has brought mii this month cuz in comparison to my emotional state last month November rocks, now of course stuff went down that broke my heart or caused mii to scream but someone in it all I got a glimpse, but yeah, the words just don't convey what I'm feeling they sound like platitudes and Eliphaz and Bildad and let's not forget Zopher so yeah, i don't want to sound preachy.
that is the problem I'm trying to describe God and my relationship this past month but fall short because words don't do him justice. So technically it isn't my fault and writer's block does not exist in this case. It is God's fault he is more than words.
and I wish I could tell you why
but He is more than wonderful
More than my heart or mind can see
I wish I could describe him to you
but words fall short, so yeah
He is more than the words in the dictionary can express
He is more than the father that picks you up when you cry
He is more than the mother you cleans up after you
He is more than the friend you supports your crazy plans
He is more than the banker that extends your loans
He is more than the spouse who witnesses each pitfall
He is more than
So let's just say
He is more
i want you to but
i get that you can't
so get it for you
get it cuz it is
the right thing to do
no get if for mii
as a sign
as a gesture
i don't think it's
too much too ask
get it cuz u love mii
NO! don't get it
cuz then u might resent mii
for putting u in that position
so don't get it for mii
get if for you
cuz if u get it for mii
it will only be b'cuz i asked u to
so it wouldn't mean as much
as if you just got it
just like that
so don't get it for mii
get it cuz you really want too
cuz you need it
but then again
if u don't think u need it
why would u get it
so don't get it
if u don't want to get it
if you don't get it for mii
no, i wouldn't feel worthless
but i might get mad
and then resent you
for not getting it for mii
even tho' i did ask
so get it cuz you want to get it
it is the right thing to do
but if u don't think that
get it for mii
thinking of u
get it for us.
this makes it better
it might help
but then if it doesn't
it's my fault
so don't get it
don't get it cuz i ask you to get it
get it if you want to get it
i want you to want to get it
without mii asking u to get it
so yeah get it
. . .
do u guyz get it
cuz if u don't get it
then i just wasted my time
so i need u to get it
but then again if u don't
cuz it might make mii
seem philosophically superior to y'all
i kinda sorta need
you to get it tho'
cuz there is the possibility
that if you don't
then i might look infinitely crazy
on soo many different levels.
so get it
don't get it
think about it and then get it
b'cuz if u get it immediately
it might trivialize the gravity
so yeah chill then get it
or just act like you get it
honestly at this point
just get it
We define innovation and let complication
serve as the reason for exploration
I wish I could go on about
our class, taste and unique spirit
but the pictures take care of all that
So if you are interested, the info is below. It applies to Africans in diaspora also. I think it is also being hosted in Nigeria.
My man loves this movie
I hate this movie
I reallly really really don't like it
Like certain parts of the Bible, it rubs mii raw
and then leaves mii with more questions then answers.
Find what you love and live it
Live what you love by working it
Working thru the uncertainty and disappointment
Shedding each layer of fear with failure
Failure frees you to live your life
By making peace with Trepidation
Trepidation embraces Uncertainty
Enveloping Anxiety with Wisdom
Driven to the scene by the Knowledge
That this is your life
Your destiny and each perceived pothole
is in actuality a signpost.
On your journey
Which cannot and must not be defined by Pride
Or the expectations that others derive
Work it not for accolades and recognition
Because secret handshakes in back alleys with Conceit
Only gives you access to Vanity’s ballroom
So quit the tango with Opulence
Throw away the bow tie of Arrogance
And walk out with the confidence
That you have been called
For a specific purpose
Reacquaint yourself with true success
Success that transcends ideals and creeds
Reaching to satisfy humanity’s deepest needs
Stay tuned for the conclusion cuz I’m still processing the movie.
Diamond tagged me in her month of Thankfulness so here it goes. But before I go any further I have to thank God for the internet. You see for the last three weeks my internet connection was MIA. I had to go to the library to check my email every couple of days and yesterday around 6 pm Internet came back home and we have been having a party since.
Lamentations is a saddest (if that is a word) book of the Bible. A book of weeping and mourning but somewhere amidst all the prophesies of doom Jeremiah found hope in God's mercy which like the dawning of a new day are new every morning.
The sun rising in the east
The birds chirping as they feast
Dew on grass, sky so blue
Fresh crisp air, remind me of you
Your mercy and your grace
Allow me to set a new pace
I'm thankful for new beginnings, Father
Yes, I know that You know that I'm a creature
who avoids change but this time around I'm thankful
and somewhat grateful for the process and some of the pain
So here is the story peps.
I moved out to Cali about 2 months ago with the sun in my eyes and thought that this new beginning would validate and justify the last 30 months but it didn't. Saying I was disappointed is putting in lightly, i think I spent the better part of September crying and October cursing but now as I start my third month in exile I realize that I needed this. I needed to see that even tho' I had come far I still have major issues. You see, I had gotten comfortable in Indy, my flaws were hidden with routine and structure but being in this crucible has awaken me to my inadequecies and dependence on God.
So yeah, 8 reasons I'm thankful
I'm thankful for the new people I've met and the experiences I've had.
I'm thankful for the kids that it seems were born to drive me mad.
I'm thankful that I came here regardless of the pain.
I'm thankful that I can now call love by his name. (N)
I'm thankful for the friends that kept me together (Naija parties & blog comments)
I'm thankful for November's 80 degree weather
I'm thankful that I get another new beginning in Texas ( in 3 weeks baby!!!)
I'm thankful that I am learning how to accept this
and to sum it all up
I'm thankful that thru' it all,
tears and shame,
disappointment and pain,
and all the other stuff that shouldn't be named
God was there, even tho' most times I felt alone
but every once in a while
as I watch the rising sun,
yeah new every morning
I'm tagging Jaycee and KM for Day 9. Which is the Day of i dunno. Hey Diamond do I come up with what the day is or do u?