Truth Teller tooo late

I was feeling good about myself. This is not a normal occurance, so I'm chillin',
basking in the wonderful feeling that I had somehow averted disaster, and done the right thing at the right time.

You see, this whole truth telling thing is a bit harder than writing a few lines that rhyme.
It requires you to either give a part of yourself or take apart another person.
It seldomly comes with no repercussions.

But I'm feeling good about myself because I had told the truth and truth is all that matters, right?
I mean, I even managed to do it in a lovingly manner. John Lennen said that love is all you need so I thought that telling the truth in love was the best course of action.

I wasn't trying to hurt her,
I wasn't trying to reduce her dreams to cliche.
I wasn't trying to get a few laughs at the expense of her heart.
I wasn't trying ...
I wasn't trying to do ANYTHING,
I was just living my life the way I wanted without having it constantly scrutinized by all.
Is that wrong?

Two years.... she had given it two years and I had given it,
8 months?
but the truth had to be told and I did it and thought that I had strengthened a friendship.
and then I picked up my freaking phone.

awon aye
awon amebo

I'm dating this guy, sorta
and I decided not to tell anyone at his church and neither did he
then I got on a plane and moved to Cali.
now there is this girl who has had a thing for my guy for about 2 years now, she claims that he is constantly looking at her, staring at her feet and stuff like that. Up until Friday I had only heard about her feelings thru' the church grapevine so I never really gave it any credence. Anywayz i thought that she got over it and had moved on to this other guy and then i'm talking to the chick on Friday and she is still going ga ga over my boy and I was like OOOOH NO!!!.

I didn't want to deal with it
so i circled around the issue and just told her that the guy was taken but I didn't say who he was dating because I really didn't want my whole private life splayed across the Church steps.

but my words were looking back at mii (the whole Truth-teller poem)
accusing mii
so on Sunday I called her back to tell her that the guy she had a thing for was taken but it seems like some NOSEY AMEBO who doesn't have a life had told her a couple hours before I did.

So now she not only feels bad because she has lost her dream man
She also has a slight mistrust of the youth of our church
and our relationship (mii and her) is basically in shambles because she thinks that I was lying to her and laughing at her behind her back.

The weird thing is that when I called her she didn't act like she was aware at all and then today I find out that someone broke the news to her 4 hours before and she was devastated. I know this person who decided to impart the knowledge to her and let's just say it wasn't altrustic or out of love or anything like that. This person isn't exactly tactful or nice, so I'm pretty sure she made the girl feel like an idiot.

What aggravates me about the whole situation is that today I spent over 2 hours on this issue when my sister is in the hospital, my mom is confined to bed rest, my future is uncertain, my relationship with God is rocky.

It seems like in an effort to avoid confronting our own mediocre existence
we invest time in dissecting the lives of others.
I'm done
I'm guilty of it myself.
two weeks ago i spent a third of my conversation with my boy discussion some other person's love life.
Hmmmm.....words, words words, they're coming.

This is why I try and avoid the whole church community and keep my private life private.
but even that has repercussions.


and now i have spent another 30 minutes blogging about it.


Jem said...

Hmmmmm.......... its tough no doubt. I hope your boy does not have any feelings for her. I know how u feel though... been there. Things like this happen, you handle it with tact and its nipped in the bud. Life goes on dear ...

disgodkidd said...

i don't know what to say kafo. i have no experience whatsoever here.


Street Preacher said...

Hmmm, in the end it will all be fine (for u, ur boy & ur friend). Keep your head up and stay true...

Rinsola said...

I so agree with Jem on this. But just like you said there are more inportant things you have on your plate to focus on. If you care about or cherish your relationship with this girl, then i guess you can call her and talk it over as mature as you can. And if after this, she decides she doesn't want to be friends with you, then all well and good knowing well enough you gave a try to work it out. Take care

KM said...

Man... I'm sorry to hear this; you did do your part, yes. At this point, you can make it clear that gossiping and mocking weren't what you were doing cuz that's not who you are -- but then it's up to Young Miss to either accept your explanation and take time to heal, or not accept it and not heal. You can declare your position and character, sure, but how she responds to that will be her choice, and her healing will occur on her timetable.

Does Mr. Man know about this turn of events? I don't think you should be doing all the thinking, but that's as much as I'll say.

Generally, am sorry the grapevine's got your business right now. I hope they move on quickly.

And I'm praying for your sister. :-)


Well, all you can do is continue to be kind and focus on the things that are most important to you. God will get you through all things....

ozaveshe said...

dont be too hard on yourself. even when u do tell the truth with the best of intentions it sometimes doesnt turn out the way we want.

you told her the truth. and thats the most important thing.

Noni Moss said...

Ahhhh pele my dear. If you think about it though - there was no easy way out and no way you could really win. At least she got to save some face - in a way it might have been better that someone else told her - unless you guys are really good friends.

Ahhh well it's done it's done and you did call to tell her so you did your best.

Poetic Justice said...

Well who gives a damn! I mean seriously, no one ever died of a broken heart except the volunterily committed the "death act" but in all honesty, she will find someone else.

new life, new locations, new begininngs.

And as for your boy the whole feet thing is interesting.... tell me more

How is Toronto looking?

Jaycee said...

Gossip is seen everywhere, and also in the church. Sometimes we're also guilty as charged as well. But I think the problem ends up lying in FORGIVENESS issues.

The gossips of yesterday can also be forgiven. True dat Kafo...saying the truth really IS hard, no won't be easy, but keep saying the truth. I guess this case would have been easier if you had said it 4 hours sooner...

But it doesn't matter anymore, what is done has already been done. Just pray that everyone involved will find mercy...both with their friends and with God. Just to forgive and let go, and I pray that the 'other girl' knows that God will eventually work everything out for her (bring her own mr. Right!)

U're good to go...

How is Cali?

Jaycee said...

I pray your sister gets well quickly...and I also commit your mom's case into God's hands. Don't stress urself asking God "why?" It's not easy, but instead just lean on His mighty big hands that can very well accomodate ur clay-molded body!

Love ya!

Allied said...

Eya.. This was and still is a sticky situation. You are right, the truth should have been told. Ur friend will be alright and i pray ur friend renew itself.

My prayers also goes to your mom and sister. Olorun a fun won ni alafia.

Daydah said...

The best intentions do not always reach destination....knowing you, I know you must have tried to go about it all delicately, but some vicious wolves did it before you.....reminds me of them enabulele days (well...sort of, no incident in particular). If she is really your friend she'll move on and get used to the fact. If she's not, she might turn against you and try to get your man naija style! (don't ever put it past her). So be wary even if she says she's put it behind her. And how does, the Mr. feel about it all?
So sorry to hear about your sis and Mum. I pray for their swift recovery. Make that a 'We' (my family).

Loxiouslucie said...

u were smart to keep church ppl out of ur relationship cause as u may kno as holy as they all claim...they destroy relationships sometimes wit all the unneeded 2 cents...well as for the girl..u may have to tell her everythin so she knows she wasnt a laffn stock but it mayb hard to convince her but if its a friendship worth wont hurt to give it a try otherwise uld be left wit some guilt