Marital Requirement: #2

I’m tired
Kids love mii

My husband needs to be rich, sterile or house-broken

Here’s the story
There is this lady at my church with this 15-lb 6-month baby boy, Mic, and her regular babysitter (her mom) is out of town so she needed someone to watch Mic this Monday and Tuesday and for some odd reason she thought that I would be perfect. Now as I mentioned earlier, kids love mii, for some reason unbeknownst to mii. So, she asked, and I couldn’t turn her down ‘cuz she was really in a jam and I had nothing else to do so yeah.

So after staying up all of Saturday and Sunday (up all of Saturday night, went to bed around 11 am on Sunday, up by 2 pm, that's my next story) I went to bed around midnight and got up at 7. Monday morning she drops off Mic and for the next 2 hours I tried to decode the tears and sometimes screams emitting from his powerful llungs. Seriously, this kid can wail, one day at church when he was upstairs in the loft I heard him downstairs in the sanctuary above the sounds of all the people in church. SERIOUSLY.

Anywayz his wailing awakens my kids (d Munch (12) and Tiny (7)) and next thing I know they come down the stairs full of advice. I’m like HELLO, I helped raise both of you so STOP with the 2 sec. wisdom sound bites. Around 10 a.m close to my wits end I take him outside and within moments he is asleep (DON’T ASK), it was a miracle. He sleeps for the next 3 hours and I catch a few Zzz’s myself.

When he gets up, I geared and ready to go and able to predict each whimper.

Today was different, when his mom dropped him off he didn’t grab her hair and scream he came to mii willingly. This should have been a warning sign to mii. Three hours later, lil Mic is still awake. Finally around noon he goes down for a nap and is up after 45 mins. I then spend the rest of the day trying to convince him that sleeping is a noble cause and crying is not laudable but Mic isn’t falling for my line.

Here’s the conclusion,
creating kids is easy,
having kids is painful,
watching kids is hectic, time consuming and a full time job

On Monday, it took mii 3 hours to cook rice, stew and dodo, BECAUSE I had to carry him everywhere and it is very hard to fry plantain with one hand and half a body.

I couldn’t even pee. The kid is attached to mii, that whole separation disorder thingy he has it, seriously, this kid is watching mii like a hawk today, and the moment I try and get my nephew to watch him so that I can take care of business his face puckers up, his mouth opens, and because I am trying to avoid the next sound I capitulate.

I capitulate to a 15 lb, 6 month old kid.

So basically here is the marital requirement.
He has to be MAD rich so that he can afford househelp to keep the place clean and cook while I care for his offspring
He has to be sterile
thereby supporting my adoption of 3 year old kids who can speak and I don’t have to decode their crying.

He has to be my like dad, house and child broken, basically sharing in the whole diaper-changing, snut-cleaning, food-making, house-cleaning, child-rocking process.

Hopefully he exists.


Vixen said...

Ahhhhh! You have the Muppet Babies song! You are the shiznit! WAssup chicka?

disgodkidd said...

LOL! the power of a kid. and i was thinking of having five (am an only child and i know how boring it is).

i wonder if she will agree with me.

Kafo said...

@ vixen: if u picked up your phone u will know

@ disgodkidd: FIVE KO FIVE NI, wo let mii speak to her before u marry her ooo. LOL

KM said...

Oh, Kafo, I think he does exist. But he might be Kenyan, and I might take him first. ;-)

You make me laugh!

azuka said...

Ha ha. I guess it's at that stage of their lives they begin to learn how to make others give in to their demands.

Jem said...

LOL !!

First of all, the muppet song was amusing. This was a very interesting post though. I thoroughly loved every bit. As for me, i am not having any more than three kids. I would rather have just 2 actually --- boy and girl. But i must say i am quite of a disciplinarian when it comes to children.

Kafo said...


kulutempa said...

i am in full agreement with the conclusions in this post. in fact, why adopt? live free - life tends to be sweeter without the vermin, i mean, children.

KM said...

Yo Kafo -- dis a no public library! Yu cyaa tief mi books! LOL...

cinnamonqueen said...

wow! you don't ask for much, do you? but then again, i so totally agree! =)

Vickii said...

Lol, no matter how many horror stories I read about children, it doesn't change the fact that I can't wait to have kids!

Though this baby does sound like a bit of a terror!