Realistic conversations

I hate this conversation
I hate the tears that flow
I hate the reasoning involved
I hate the part of mii that wants to scream
I hate the part of mii that wants to object
I hate the part of mii that agrees because you are right

We don't miss people
it doesn't last forever
You look back and it is just the memories
you remember the fun you had
but don't weep for the fun you aren't having with particular people.

what is the point of talking to u
of getting to know u
if this is it

seriously


Hmmm, Flip it
i need to scream
cuz the tears aren't helping

6 Degrees of Seperation

I'm supposed to be in bed but I can't shake this feeling
I'm working on three hours of sleep and really miss my pillow
This is a remix of some scribbling that I don't particularly like

This one is tough ** * ** * * * * * This one is hard,
Difficult to accept ** * ** * * * * * But it is what it is
Yeah

*****************************************************************

There is a reason why people are told to be cautious
There is a reason why people are advised to think twice
There is a reason

It seems to me that if you ignore such counsel you dig a hole
Not with a spoon or spade but a shovel
Each wrong decision moves you further away from your destiny
Each wrong choice today creates an obstacle that must be scaled tomorrow

When will people learn that life is not a moment but a series of moment
When will people learn that life is not a move but the entire game of chess
When will people learn


Here are the facts, life is a cold hard mistress
The ills that we perpetrate today MUST be paid tomorrow
She will NOT pardon or forget our mistakes
She is not God, but Life

There is a reason why we were warned about promiscuity
There is a reason why we were told to think before we act
There is a reason

Our childish ignorance
Our teenage delinquencies
Our youthful recklessness
Now haunts our future

When will people learn that life is not a cell but an entire matrix of cells
When will people learn that life is not a silken line but the spider's web
When will people learn

Those six degrees of seperation that join us all
Restrain and also bind us,
Constricting the flow of life,
I mean mistakes thru' us

We are all related in one way or another
This might not be fair
but this is Life

HOW TO

Last week Wednesday, during prayer service,
I realized that I had a problem
People were giving testimonies and prayer requests
But my lips were frozen

It is not like I don’t know God.
It is not like I don’t know what words to use
It is not like I am not capable of forming a coherent sentence.
You see I have forgotten how to


My sister was recently released from the hospital,
Most people with her condition seldom make it pass infancy, she’s 26
She got THREE job offers after 3 years of unemployment
But for some weird reason I didn’t feel the need to speak

It is not like I don’t speak to God regularly
It is not like I don’t have Him on speed dial
It is not like I don’t realize his goodness
You see I have forgotten how to

My other sister graduated from college,
Landed a job that she is ecstatic about,
Found a guy that she loves that is not only naija but SDA
And is planning a 2000+ people wedding (YIKES)

It is not like I don’t have a reason to praise
It is not like I don’t appreciate what He has done.
It is not like I have chosen to ignore his blessings.
You see I have forgotten how to


The kid has managed to make it to the last 6 weeks of college.
She recently found her latest cell phone which mysteriously disappeared.
She has a roof over her head and doesn’t pay rent.
She has a ride to clinicals (45 mins. away) even tho she STILL can’t drive.

It is not like I don’t come in contact with his mercy
It is not like I don’t feel His angels protecting those I love
It is not like I don’t have whole chapters of praises
You see I have forgotten how to


Crying disappointments
Screaming frustrations
Enumerating requests
Tallying "mistakes"

Praise which used to flow easily like honey from my lips
is now bestowed thru the Heimlich maneuver
Praise which used to cause my feet to dance like penguins on ice
is now portrayed as an infant’s first awkward steps.

Because I do not praise
Because I am so consumed by anger
Because I spend all my time counting lost years
Because I analyze the lives and blessedness of others
I forgot



You see I have forgotten how to praise



Sedoka: I WISH

If Sun never set
We would watch it forever
We could talk ‘till the sunset


If we never met
I would embrace it's limits
I could enjoy the sunset

*

*

Sedoka: A Japanese poetry style.

REMIX:
I kept on thinking that it didn't fully mirror my emotions
so I made it a true Sedoka and added the second verse
on June 22nd, yeah yeah five days too late I KNOW

Story behind the Words: Guilt vs. Mercy

GUILT
Do you ever feel like you deserve to die?
Do you ever feel like sin is your middle name?
Do you ever feel like saints were created to taunt you
Do you ever feel like heaven was imagined to haunt your nightmares?
If you answered yes to any of the above, then you are in good company.


Here's the story
I was scheduled to speak in church two weeks ago and the idea terrified mii. I've spoken in a couple of churches over the course of the last year,


  • So
    I should have relished the opportunity and made it my finest hour,
    I should have spent the week emersed in the Word,
    I should have spent countless hours scouring thru' concordances to fully understand the root meaning of a word,
    I should have spent the week on my knees praying,
    I should have spent the week memorizing portions of the sermon,

but i couldn't
Instead
I spent the week trying to get out of the assignment.
I really thought that God was going to send lightning to strike mii dead at the pulpit.
Trying to find a perfect excuse as to why my preaching skills are ill suited for the current climate in the church is tedious work. I tried and tried and tried.


Needless to say I couldn't convince my pastor, so on Wednesday, feeling frustrated I skipped prayer meeting and decided to chill at home (i mean, WORK on my SERMON).
I get on my computer, open up iTunes, and I am determined to drown my guilt and fears with some music when this sermon by my boy (Pastor Dwight K. Nelson) dropped into my lap. (more like podcast-downloaded into my face).

You see, I had spent the previous week avoiding God and the church because of this sin that I had committed. I was blinded by my guilt to the point that every prayer I said started and ended with a plea for mercy. I really think that when it comes to sin Paul would give up his high chair and pray for mii. I mean even David with his wife-stealing, husband-killing ways can't compare to mii.

His sermon uses the genealogy of Christ to explain how there is mercy for everyone regardless of past history or sins. It was just what I needed to hear and so I spent the next two days listening to it over and over again on my shuffle.
Here's the short of it

God is soo merciful that he allows messed up people in his family tree. Matthew includes these names not because they are all important in recounting the genealogy of Jesus but because of the mercy. Women are normally not included in family tree's but Matthew added 5 women and 1 Gentile, all in the first chapter of his book. There are actually two trees in this chapter and because of the second tree we can all be included in Jesus' family tree.

MERCY

Mercy for the unloved: Tamar
Mercy for the pagan: Rahab
Mercy for the excluded: Ruth
Mercy for the fallen:David & Uriah's wife
(do u wonder y her name isn't mentioned???)
Mercy for the faithful: Uriah
Mercy for the obedient: Mary
Mercy for the sinner: Manasseh and mii


I am soo botching this up. Mercy Came a Running: When Mercy Grew on Trees that was the title and if you have issues with guilt I suggest you download it using iTunes (IT'S FREE)

Anywayz

I am turning in my Nike's and surrendering to His mercy.

Mercy Came Running

God's mercy is constant, never changes and is chasing after us.


Jacob ran in circles*
Elijah ran to the mountain*
Sarah ran out of hope*
Moses ran from justice*
But Mercy came a running

Tamar ran after her father-in-law
Daniel ran to the lion's paw
Paul ran the Christians out of town
Martha ran Mary's esteeem down
But Mercy came a running

Rahab ran a brothel*
Noah ran to his bottle
Adam ran from God
Aaron ran to make gods
But Mercy came a running

Lot ran with the wrong crowd*
Jonah ran away from the crowd
Joseph ran from his brothers
James ran to his mother
But Mercy came a running

Samson ran to the wrong woman*
Solomon ran after too many women
David ran from the sheep
Amos ran after the sheep
But Mercy came a running

Samaritan lady ran to husbands
Abigail ran from her husband
Zaccheus ran up a tree
Mephibosheth ran on his knees
But Mercy came a running

Peter ran from questions
Philip ran to questions
Thomas ran to view visual proof
Nicodemus ran from the truth
But Mercy came a running



Will you stop running???



* denotes phrases from Max Lucado's "Facing the Giant"

Aftermath

Today is the 40th year anniversary of the 6-day war waged against the state of Israel by Egypt, Jordan and Syria. It’s been forty years and nothing has really changed. Everyone suffers and no one is really just, the land has been poisoned by the blood of the innocent.
So yeah, it got mii thinking and then I couldn’t stop.

It always starts with hope
Hope destroyed
This destruction causes pain
Pain inflicted
Because of the decree
Decree enacted
By the elevation of men to heroes
Heroes created
To deal with injustice
Injustices endured
Because of implanted heroes lies
Lies propagated
Chain people to irrational fears
Fear instilled
Becomes a breeding ground for anger
Anger festered
Never allowing a time of healing
Healing neglected
Causes unforgettable wounds
Wounds implanted
In the hearts and the minds
Minds disillusioned
Give way to uncontrollable hatred
Hatred perpetuated
Against innocent families
Families obliterated

On all sides, time and time again

All have suffered
All have lost
And it all began with the loss

Suicide bombers, Israeli troops,
Fatah warriors, Hamas youths,
And it all began with the loss

The loss of hope


********************************************************************

I don’t mean to be obtuse but the truth came out disjointed
And when I tried to make it sound comprehensible
I started to input my limited view into the struggle of the people
and so I stopped