Deepest Fears: I

So I am thinking that by giving voice to my fears
I will strip them of their power
So I'm calling them all out one by one

wwWaking up and realizing
wwthat I am utterly alone
wwThat no one really knows mii
wwThat even to those I "love"

wwI still remain a mystery

This is what we crave
---to be known
---to look into the world and identify with another being
---to have someone as a witness to every moment
------Happy or sad
------Jubilant or sorrowful
------Success or failure

The need to know we can share
The need to know they will listen
The need to know they accept us as we are
It is what drives us to find "love"
We spend our entire lives trying to find
The human witness

I don't,
I don't spend time trying to share.
I spend my time building up walls.
I tell people on a need-to-know basis.
I share frivolous details,
the inconsequential happenings of my life.
Their burdens I can bare,
but mine are kept under lock and key.
As if sharing with them would burden them.
As if sharing with them would make mii weak.


azuka said...

You hit a nerve there --- that sounds very much like me!

ICE said...

So true...

Jaycee said...

Sometimes keeping things under lock and key can cause us to be frightened and have FEAR #1.

I think its the reason why the bible says, "as IRON sharpeneth IRON, so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend..."

There's just something exhilarating about having a friend that has a "like spirit" (not someone with opposing views as oneself) gladdens your spirit...

I totally feel ur fear...but know that "the LOVE of God casts out all fear..."

Jaycee said...

Forgot to say I love ur quotes on prayer by the right hand side...they touched me in an indescribable way...

U're a darl!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

It is well. we have all our expectations, expectations we want met, yet when it comes to it, we find things to erect in place.

Vixen said...

That used to be me. I"m so glad that I've learned to open up and find a witness. Life is so much more fulfilling when you have someone to 'unburden' yourself to. Even if it does make you seem weak and vulnerable.

Poetic Justice said...

Okay about this fear I have a suggestion. Open up! You find it easier to keep the walls up and so you are wearing a masque, pretending to everyone and holding back the real you. When people get so close, you balk and run even your family is kept only as close as you let them

You have to learn at one point to put the shield down and step away from what you made your reality to what really is...The real you wants to be known. Give people a chance, and don't assume they will misuse...and even if they do at least you are out there, at least someone knows you!

At least someone loved one point in your least you will have that!

Kafo said...

@ Jaycee the quotes are from this book I am reading Prayer by P. Yancey. It is really good.

@ P Justice: please-explain to mii who is going to MAKE you call YOUR parents if I switch and have a bad sunday. Please Please Please. Who exactly is going to put slime together and listen to her whine for 45 minutes about nothing. And who is going to force u to call YOUR big sister the next time y'all fight. So yeah, easier said that done.

ICE said...

There is someone who really knows you; someone who knows you even better than you think you know yourself.

As for a human witness...

The greatest risk is the one not taken. The imperfection of humans is inevitable but we have to learn to TRUST and TOLERATE one another despite this.

ICE said...

Nobody knows the trouble I see
Nobody knows but Jesus
Nobody knows the trouble I see
Glory Hallelujah

Sometimes I’m up
Sometimes I’m down
Oh yes Lord
Sometimes I’m almost to the ground
Oh yes Lord

Nobody knows the trouble I see
Nobody knows but Jesus
Nobody knows the trouble I see
Glory Hallelujah


Kafo said...

@ Ice
Okay Okay Okay
I get ur point

Mwajim Al said...

I used to be that way... No, I lie - I still am. I'm trying to change... and yet, there is still that ever constant fear of opening up. And yet, Jesus opened up, that is all he ever did. So who am I not to?